This Can't Be Happening!
by Kismahaz
Summary: What if Kakashi used his magekyou sharingan on Kakuzu and Hidan? And what if the portal that Kakashi opens, sends Kakuzu and Hidan to a different reality and what if that reality was ours? AU story. Also involves an OC.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I had this story on quizilla for like 3yrs and they are now hasseling me about my latest chap...So I've decided too post it here...I will post more of my chaps after I touch them up a bit. I do not own Kakuzu, Hidan or any other characters that are copyrighted...and some quick info my OC is Kaylee, she's 22 and blonde, a tomboy, she does and says dumb things, she gets into trouble with/out even trying and I love torturing her ...okay I'm done with the boring stuff enjoy this short prologue if ya can :A/N End**

* * *

'Note to self never enter an alley when being chase especially if that ally is a dead end' Kaylee indicated to herself in notion. She was pitted between an old smelly dumpster and 3 furious 'scene' ladies with ponytails. Kaylee had no idea why they were furious with her. She had only ran pass them to get to the anime convention.

"Girl, you know how much these boots cost me?" the leader of the pack growled out pointing at her feet. Kaylee looks down at the girl's feet, the girl was wearing supposedly white boots but they were all brown and muddy.

'Oo yeah...ha-haa... The puddle I had jumped in as I passed them, I forgot about that.' Kaylee thought remembering what she had done.

"Well, are you gonna answer her bitch?" the lady on the right demanded bringing Kaylee back from her rumination.

'Did she just call me a female dog?' Kaylee thought surprised at the lady's choice of words.

"Umm, No I don't know, I have never bought a pair of snow boots in the middle of spring." Kaylee answered annoyed.

"Well, bitch for your information these boots cost me $300 and you're gonna pay." the leader said pointing at Kaylee.

"What? I am not paying you $300 for those ugly ass boots." Kaylee exclaimed, then jumped back to realized to what she had said she's go to learn how to keep her mouth shut. The leader narrowed her eyes at Kaylee then grinned.

"I've got other ways of making you pay." the leader said with an all-knowing mischievous smirk. Kaylee eyes widen 'what did I get myself into?' she asked herself. "Girls, you know what to do." she then snaps her fingers as if that were their queue. The two girls pulled Kaylee's hood over her face at the same time grabbing and tossing her into the dumpster. They were incredibility strong ladies to able to just toss her like that. Kaylee quickly removes her hood only for her face to turn green.

"Ewe" Kaylee cringed in disgust as she picked up a moldy-rotten banana peel from her lap and tosses it aside.

"Next time we meet I won't be so nice." The leader sneered peering into the dumpster down at Kaylee. Kaylee just glared up at her and the lady left.

"Next time we meet I won't be so nice." Kaylee mocked knowing the girl is long gone. "Sheesh and they called me a bitch." she said talking to herself. She tried getting out of the dumpster but failed a couple times because the garbage below her wasn't stabled. As she was half out of the dumpster, something hard slam against the dumpster causing Kaylee to fall back in. She let out a string a curse words before she had a feeling someone was looking at her. She looked up and saw a pair of magenta eyes peering down at her in the dump.


	2. Convention

**A/N: Thank you kagome13cdj for the alert and Thanks a lot for the review AnimeStoryLover I have more chaps to come! FYI I've never been to a convention so I'm might be overdoing the fangirl attacks...**

* * *

The magenta eyes disappear as soon as Kaylee made eye contact with them. Then there was a sound of metal scraping metal and a blade now only a couple centimeters away from her face. Kaylee backs up fast 'what the heck?' she had almost peed her pants. The blade creates a circle in the dumpster wall, Kaylee and the garbage come flooding out. She looks up to see the man with magenta eyes wielding a three blade scythe and a taller man with green eyes just glaring at her. 'Awkward…' Kaylee then scrambles to her feet but fails when she slips on a banana peel and falls into the pile garbage yet again. She looks back up to the two men still just glaring at her not even bothering to help her up. 'These guys are jerks and seriously would win a costume contest. They're good looking Kakuzu and Hidan cosplayers.'

"What the hell are you doing?" the Hidan cosplayer asked obnoxiously.

"Dumpster diving for money…" Kaylee replied in a sarcastic tone, though he didn't catch it.

"Ha and here I thought Kakuzu was bad." He said elbowing the Kakuzu cosplayer in the side. This earned him a blow to the face knocking him down next to Kaylee his scythe almost hitting her. 'Harsh' Kaylee thought seeing blood run from the man's nose.

"Fucking heathen! What the fuck was that for!" the Hidan cosplayer yelled while holding his nose close to stop the bleeding.

"If you would have listened to me, we would have been done with our mission and had the bounty money." Kakuzu cosplayer said sounding very irritated. 'These guys are taking cosplaying to the extreme.' Kaylee thought and slowly got up.

"Well how the fuck should I know that that scarecrow guy was able to use the sharingan. Hell I thought only Itachi could use that technique" the Hidan cosplayer replied. Kaylee started clapping.

"Great cosplaying of the Naruto characters Hidan and Kakuzu, guys. But don't you think you're taking this thing a little too far?" Kaylee asked, now picking garbage off the back of her black basketball shorts.

"What the fuck are you talking about cosplaying? What the f*** does that mean?" the Hidan cosplayer said getting up, also picking garbage off his butt and glaring at Kaylee.

"What do you mean by Naruto characters?" the Kakuzu cosplayer asked taking a step closer to Kaylee while black threads start sliding out of his cloak's sleeve towards her. 'Okay this is just getting too weird and smelly.' She thought taking a step back the guy was really intimidating. She was getting a bad feeling about these guys and decided it was best not to stick around.

"Well you see umm…see yah!" Kaylee said then dashes off into the crowd of people and down the sidewalk. She looks back to see if they took chase, to her luck they were nowhere in sight so she decides to slow down walking backwards. "Weirdoes" she murmured still looking through the crowd of people until she felt something sharp pressured into her back. Kaylee turned her head slightly to see Kakuzu standing behind her along with Hidan. 'Wow these guys are fast! I'm starting to think they're the real deal here!' Kakuzu leans down to Kaylee's ear.

"Now you're going tell me what you meant back there or I'll make your death incredibly painful." He whispered threateningly jabbing her back showing her his seriousness.

"You're joking right! Yo-You ca-can't k-k-kill me in a crowd like this!" Kaylee stuttered scanning the area to see that no one has taken note of her situation. She was now convinced that these were the real Kakuzu and Hidan and not some Naruto fanatics with really, really good costumes.

"Kakuzu never jokes and he pulls through with his fucking threats too." Hidan said crossing his arms hating the truth to his words. More pressure was added to the sharp object to her back, she winced in pain. 'I'm never going to make it to the anime conve- THAT'S IT!' Kaylee figured out a plan to get her out of this tight situation.

"Okay, you know what instead of telling you, how about I show you! It would be much easier for me to explain and for you to understand!" she exclaimed turning her head more to see them. Kakuzu and Hidan not sure what to do they agreed and they also agreed to let her get some new clothes and fragrance from the store they were standing in front of.

"If I find out that this is a trick I'll rip your heart out in a heartbeat." Kakuzu threatened. Kaylee gulped 'I hope this works.' Kaylee starts walking to the anime convention with Kakuzu and Hidan closely behind her.

There are three reasons to why I want to ditch these guys 1. I don't want to donate my heart to Kakuzu 2. I don't want to be sacrifice to Jashin and 3. I WANT TO LIVE. Finally we were at the convention and they were falling right into my trap. Mwuahahaha-cough- sorry I think their evil aura is rubbing off on me.

"KAWAII COSTUMES!" scream a group of cosplaying fan-girls. They swarmed around the two, like a bunch of fan-girls swarming around two guys. They were surrounded they couldn't go anywhere, ha, ha.

"Hiiiiidaaaaan-kuuun you're such a bishieeee." I heard one of them squealed as I walked away from the crowd. Suddenly there was a scream and that was my queue to dash off towards the building whatever happened it wasn't me. In the background I heard Hidan cuss something along the lines about sacrificing me to Jashin, hopefully we don't meet again. I entered the building and boy was it huge and full of people.

"Now to get what I came here for." After a 20 minute search I find the stand that sold the plushy I wanted to buy, but no one was there but a sign "Back in 15 minutes wonderful…" My tummy starts to growl so I scanned the area to find a food court and there's one at 2 o'clock. I bought myself a large pop, a cookie and nachos with cheese. I take a sit at a small table and started munching down on the nachos. Then I see _them_ walking in the crowd towards me. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!" I duck my head down hoping that they won't notice or have notice me yet, but all failed when I hear chairs moving at the table I am at. I slowly look up to see them giving me the death glare. Hidan was without his cloak and Kakuzu without his mask. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle, they look like they went through hell.

"Why the fuck did you leave us back there! What the fuck were those things! I got fucking violated and someone stole my cloak, seriously!" Hidan yelled wiping lipstick off his face and sounding very pissed off. He then decides to take a nacho from _my_ tray and dips it into _my_ cheese.

"Okay first off, as much as I would like to stick with you guys I would also like to live. Second those were fan-girls and last but not least that's my expensive nacho!" I swipe the cheesy nacho away from Hidan and stuff it in my mouth. He in return swiped my tray of nachos and stuffed them all in his mouth. "A**hole! Those were my nachos and they weren't cheap!" I yelled standing up and pointing my finger at him.

"And I care why?" He said nonchalantly licking the cheese off his fingers.

"If we were going to kill you, we would have done that back at the alley." Kakuzu budded in. I sat back down, crossed my arms and let out a loud huff.

"Did you guys kill anyone?" I ask concern about the screams heard outside before I had entered the building.

"Unfortunately no, they all ran off screaming the moment they seen his ugly a** face." He said bluntly pointing to Kakuzu.

"He's not ugly, he's ha- ." I stopped myself. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid me I was about to call him hot.' I get confused looks from the both of them. I can feel myself blushing at the moment.

"Anyways, you're going to answer my questions now." Kakuzu stated.

"Why don't you go bug someone else that's a diehard Akatsuki fan?" I grumbled out glaring at Hidan who was staring at my pop. "Get your filthy eyes off my soda!" I grab pop closer to me hugging it almost I've lost my nachos to him I'm not about to lose my drink also.

"Stop diverting from the subject and answer the damn question!" Kakuzu growled out loudly slamming his fist on the table causing attention from a group people passing by.

'Me no likes him anymore.' I squirm in my seat looking for an escape route. I take it he was able to read my body language as I felt something wrap around my ankle tightly. I look down under the table to see threads coming from his cloak. The threads were reaching up higher on my leg. "And you're not going any-."

"AHH TENTECALE RA-."

"OH MY JASHIN! AWESOME COSTUMES CAN WE TAKE PICTURES!" screamed a bunch of fan-girls cutting me off…They didn't wait for an answer and started flashing. The flashes blinded the two, and Kakuzu released me of his threads. I took the time of escaping and rushed toward the now opened stand with a huge line. A few moments past and I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder; I spun around to see who it was. It was Hidan he looked rather dizzy. I'm a bit surprise these guys haven't gone on a killing spree yet.

"Where the f*** is Kakuzu." He asked rubbing his eyes with one hand. I ignored Hidan's question and notice the line was moving faster than I expected, I was next in line. "Help me find him." He ordered

"Next." said the clerk.

"No, not now." I said walking toward the stand. I was then jerked back; Hidan had grabbed my hand and was now pulling me. I look back at clerk sadly then at the plushy. I was so close!

"Now." he said pulling me in front of him. Okay I guess I have no choice anyways.

"How hard could…it...be?" I said unsure when I saw a load of people in Akatsuki cloaks. "Great I'm never going to get that plushy." I huffed.


	3. Losers

**A/N: Thank you guys for all the alerts, favs and reviews! Enjoy if ya can :)**

* * *

"Him?"

"Too short…"

"How about him, over there?"

"No cloak…"

"Is that him?"

"No he took his mask off remember!"

"Oh, is that him? That has to be him!

"That's a girl…"

"You're joking right?"

"No…"

"Seriously…that's a girl?"

"Yes…"

"What the fuck?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS MONEY ISN'T WORTH ANYTHING! THAT'S AN OUTRAGED!" boomed a voice from behind us it sounded familiar, could it be? I turned around.

"Bingo we found our Kakuzu." I said as we walked over to him.

"What the fuck are you doing Kakuzu! You know you fucking left me with this bitch and a bunch of fat-girls!" Hidan whined tossing his arms about trying to get his partners attention, but fails miserably.

"Excuse me did you just call me a bitch!" I said pushing him.

"Yeah, what are you going to do about it?" he said towering me. I almost forgot who he was since no one has gone on a killing spree just yet.

"Nothing…" I said looking away sheepishly. "By the way it's fan-girls not fa-"

"Like I give a shit what they're called." He spat.

"Asshole." I murmured under my breath. He heard what I said and flipped me off.

"Excuse me ma'am? Do you know this man?" asked the clerk pointing towards Kakuzu. I glance towards Kakuzu and he's glaring at me with daggers in his eyes. 'These guys glare to fucking much.'

"Well…" I glance back to the clerk then to Kakuzu who is still glaring. "I suppose so...why?" I asked looking back at the clerk

"Will you tell this man that I do not take Japanese money." said the clerk holding out the foreign money in his hand.

"Ok" I agreed I then looked at Kakuzu he was still glaring at me. 'Gawd does his facial expression ever change?' "Kuzu this man doesn't take Japanese money." I said adding a smile.

"What did you just call me?" he growled. My smile quickly faded and Hidan snickered beside me. I quickly look towards the clerk again.

"How much is the item?" I ask the clerk ignoring Kakuzu's question.

"19.99" said the clerk. "Do you plan on using American cash?" looks at Kakuzu then at me again. I check my wallet only 26 dollars left. I won't be able to buy the plushy if I buy th- wait what am I buying?

"What am I buying?" I questioned

"Naruto Volume 36." He said picking up the book showing it to me. 'Who told Kakuzu about the manga? Eh, probably some fan-girl.'

"Never mind then I got that manga at home for a much cheaper price…" I said glancing at Kakuzu, he's staring at the book then looks at me. 'Ha-ha finally he's not glaring!'

"Well if you aren't going to buy anything then leave before I call security." said the clerk, grabbing a walkie-talkie. As said I took off to the plushy stand with the two Akatsuki members trailing me. I stop in my tracks and turned around.

"Why are you guys following me still? I asked crossing my arms 'stalkers.'

"I want that book." Kakuzu said taking a step closer and now glaring down at me. I looked up at him glaring back. I just realized how much I hate tall people; they make you feel really small and short .

"What's so fucking great about that damn book, that Kakuzu was willing to spend money on?" Hidan asked stepping to the side of Kakuzu. 'I feel so insignificant; they're so much taller than me!'

"Look I don't have the manga on me I have I-."

"OMG! Where you get those contacts they're sooo kawaii kuzu-san." Squealed a cosplayer running up to him. I witness Kakuzu twitch at the nickname she gave him.

"Ooooo and what did you use to make those stitches look so real!" the cosplayer asked examining his face. Kakuzu's face was getting real red I couldn't tell if he was blushing or getting real angry. I'll guess the latter since he's clinching his fist now and there's those black threads coming out of his sleeve. Hmm since he's distracted now's my chance to escape! I'm starting to like these fan-girls. Kakuzu glares at me for an answer go ahead kill her I don't care I am so out of here. I smirked; I start to turn around to only bump into Hidan. I sighed maybe not and I turned back to Kakuzu and the fan-girl.

"He got them off the internet." I huffed. The girl turned her attention to me.

"Ooooo what website!" she squeaked. 'I am so not in the mood for this. I want my plushie damn it!'

"It's www dot get the fuck lost dot com." I said looking around the area then at her. She frowns.

"You're not very nice." and walks away. The two men stare at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I want that book and I want it now." Kakuzu demanded.

"Fine, whatever I give up. I'll get my plushy another day." I said frowning. "Follow me" we headed out of the building.

Before we left, I bought Kakuzu a new mask since we couldn't find his old one anywhere and people just kept freaking out or staring at him. It was the kind of mask Kakashi wears except it was blue (they had no other color) and it did not match well with his eyes or cloak.

Anyways, after minutes of silence and a couple blocks of walking. Hidan decided to break the silence 'hoorah…'

"How far do you fucking live kid?" he ask bored, still following behind with Kakuzu.

"Only 'bout two miles Hidan-" I pause for a second "-san." I said unsure if I should add the suffix. I glance back and his response was a grunt.

"LOOOOOOSSSSSSERS." A guy yelled out to us from a passing by car. I stopped walking.

"WHY DON'T COME AND SAY IT TO MY FACE ASSHOLE!" I yelled as the car continued to drive off.

"What the hell was that?" Hidan asked stopping besides me.

"An asshole what else?" I answered continuing to walk.

"No you dumbass what was the thing he was in?" Hidan said catching up to me. I turn into an alley (which isn't a dead end).

"A car…" I groan out bored not feeling the need to explain anymore than that.

"What are we doing in an ally?" Kakuzu asked still walking behind looking at his surroundings.

"Short-cut." I said simply.

"So what does it do?" Hidan inquired.

"Well as you can see it transports people, like a train. Which I know you have in your world cause I saw it in that one Naruto movie…from point a to point b…dumbass."

I murmured the last part to myself thankfully he did not hear.

"Why don't you have one?" Hidan questioned now in front of me walking backwards.

"I do have one. I left it at home though, because I didn't feel the need to waste my money on gas when the place is only 2 miles away." I said glancing back at Kakuzu to see if he was still there, he's being way too silent.

"Tch… you sound just like Kakuzu." Hidan sneered.

"Lies! My voice isn't deep and gruff." I protest pointing my finger back to Kakuzu.

"Don't be a fucking smartass! You're just another fucking money grubber." Hidan growled turning around and started walking.

"I am not!" I stopped walking. I'm getting really annoyed.

"Fine you're not." He stops and turns around. "You're a money whore." My jaw just dropped and then I quickly closed it. Okay now I'm pissed.

"Dude I wish I had something to throw at you." At that point Kakuzu had taken a step beside me and pulled something out of his sleeve.

"Here" He grumbled handing me a kunai. I grab the kunai and stare at for a moment. I look up to see Kakuzu now sitting on a crate to the right. I look towards Hidan to see him gripping his scythe. My eyes widen, I look back down at the kunai. It was a bit a rusty it had dents and scratches all over it. No doubt Kakuzu is too cheap to buy new ones. I place my index finger through the hole and twirled it around.

"HEY! Are you going to fucking stand there all day and play with that damn thing or are you going to make your fucking move!" Hidan's loud voice startles me and the kunai slipped off my finger. My first reaction was to catch it and what a mistake that was. It sliced the right palm of my hand wide open. I fall to my knees clutching my wrist.

"Fuck." I hissed in pain.

"Tch, pathetic." Hidan said in disgust. He was now leaning against a wall to the left.

"How stupid can you be?" Kakuzu asked getting up, walking over toward me. He picks up his fallen kunai and places it back into his sleeve. He then bends over grabs my right arm and pulls me off my knees harshly.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" I cried. He took a look at the wide gash, it was bleeding like crazy.

"Hmm, you're going to need stitches." With that said a black skinny thread came out of his sleeve. Again my eyes widen.

"What!" the thread gets closer to my hand. "Wait! Wait, wait!" I tried pulling my injured hand out of his grip.

"Quit squirming or I'll just let you bleed to death." He warned getting quite irritated. He pulled my hand closer to him.

"I could just go to a hospitoooooooww." I howled as the thread pierced my skin. A few tears streamed down my face.

"Stuck it in, you pansy." Hidan scoffed annoyed by my actions.

"Oh why don't you ow just go suck on a dick ow, frickin masochist!" I snapped. He gripped his scythe again.

"You just earned yourself a trip to hell." He snarled heading towards us. 'Why can't I keep my mouth shu-ow?'


	4. Doomed

**A/N:Thanks fo all the Reviews, Favorites, and Alerts!**

* * *

As soon as Kakuzu was finish with my hand I hid behind him. Not that he's any safer than Hidan but it just he's not raging mad at me and wants to cut me into little pieces.

"Get the fuck out of my way stitch-face that girl is my sacrifice." Hidan growled in Kakuzu's face. 'Please don't let him kill me I'm too young to die!' Kakuzu stands his ground as well as pushing Hidan back a bit.

"No you're not sacrificing her." Kakuzu defended. I let out a sigh of relief. "Not yet" he added. Yep why didn't I see that coming?

"And why the hell not?" Hidan spat furious placing the scythe back to where it belonged. How he is able to place the thing on his back without his cloak on is beyond me. I can't wait to get home, give Kakuzu the damn book then slam the door in their faces.

"One I haven't got that book I wanted and two we're going to need a place to stay." Kakuzu pulled me in front of him so I was between the two. 'Stay?'

"Oh no! You guys are not stayi-"

"Do you want to live?" Kakuzu interrupted my protest. I nodded my head quickly. "Good now let's go shall we?" he said pushing me forward. I kept a wary eye on Hidan as we continued our lovely little walk home.

Minutes later we reach my house.

"Is that your car?" Hidan ask pointing to my blue jeep wrangler.

"Yes, but it's called a Jeep." I corrected him I love my Jeep.

"Whatever." He said nonchalantly. I pull the keys from my pocket and unlocked the door. I twist the knob and push the door open.

"Come on in." I gesture them to go in first, they head on in. To the left was the living room, to the right the kitchen, and in front of them was a staircase that separates the two rooms and also leads to the bedrooms.

"Nice place you got here." Hidan said looking around. "You live alone?"

"Thanks and yeah." I said bored.

"Well not anymore." Kakuzu implied. "Now where's my book?"

"Oh yeah..." I run upstairs then back down. "Here ya go." I hand him the book, he quickly scans through it then stops and looks at the back of the cover.

"Your name's Kaylee?" he asks looking up from the book.

"Yep, Kaylee James." I answered smiling.

"That's a shitty name. Your name is Ama now." Hidan smirked walking towards the living room's couch. My gaze follows him, he takes a seat.

"Ama?" I give Kakuzu a questioning look. He glances from the manga and walk passes me to where Hidan is.

"It means bitch." He said simply taking a seat on the recliner. I glare at the grinning Hidan.

"Well then your new name is Asshole." I glared, he just flicks me off. "Stupid stinking zealot." I murmur under my breath. I'm starting to question my fandom of these guys.

"What was that?" his eyes narrow.

"I said I'm taking a shower…don't touch anything." I said walking upstairs then I run back down the stairs. "And don't do any rituals or anything bloo- is he sleeping?" I asked Kakuzu pointing towards a now sleeping Hidan. Kakuzu simply shrugged his shoulders and continued to read the manga. "I'll take that as a yes…" I headed back upstairs and into the shower.

The warmth of the water felt good, I tried to avoid getting the wound wet as I showered. 'Hmfph greatest day ever. I get thrown into garbage then I get held at knife point, Hidan ate my expensive nachos, I didn't get my plushy, I cut my hand wide open and now two fictional s-ranked criminals with bad tempers are in my livi-' BOOM! The whole house shook. "What was that!" I asked out loud, jumping out of the shower. Without thinking twice I quickly wrapped a towel around me and jolted downstairs.

"Gah! What are you guys doing!" I screeched Kakuzu had Hidan impaled into the wall. Bits of the dry wall were falling to ground along with blood. Both of them turn their gazes to me and then quickly turned their heads away. "HEY! I ASKED YOU A QUESTI-"I stop in mid-sentence realizing how chill the air is. "I-I I'll be right back." I stuttered rushing back up the steps. 'Gawd that was embarrassing' BAM 'they're ruining my house!' I quickly go through my drawer and throw on a rock band t-shirt and shorts. I dash out of my room and right when I get to the head of the staircase I trip over my own two feet.

No longer in Kaylee's point of view

"Is she dead?" Hidan ask bluntly looking down at Kaylee's body that now was lying at the end of the stairs. Kakuzu crouched down and check her pulse.

"No." Kakuzu answered standing back up.

"What a retard. Can I sacrifice her now?" He begged wiping blood from his mouth.

"No she hasn't answered all my questions yet." Kakuzu said having threads snake out from his sleeve lifting Kaylee's body up. He then held her bridal style and the threads slid back into his sleeves.

"What are you going to do with her?" Hidan asked.

"Lay her down in her bed." Kakuzu replied walking up the stairs.

"Whatever I'm going back to fucking sleep and next time go to a fucking different room if you don't want to hear me snore." Hidan said walking off to the living room.

I slowly open my eyes only to see darkness. I found myself underneath covers and on a bed. 'I must be in my room…why is it so hot in here?' I stumble out of bed rubbing my eyes and head to the door. I slowly walk into the hall and switch on the light. I step into something wet and glance down to see a trial of blood leading from the foot of the stairs to the bathroom. The bathroom door was ajar so I decided to push it fully open only to see a bloody-ass butt. The owner of the butt who was covered head-to-toe in blood turns around. It was Hidan he didn't look too happy.

"Haven't you heard of fucking knocking Ama!" He yelled grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist.

"My name isn't Ama its Kaylee and it's not my fault you're too stupid to close the door!" I yelled back being piss at what he had called me plus that he had bleed all over my house.

"That's it I don't give a fuck what Kakuzu says you're fucking dead!" he yelled coming at me.

"Ahh!" I shrieked not being pissed anymore but scared, I took off running down the hall. I slipped on the blood and ran into the wall. I push myself off the wall in a hurry and jolted downstairs. 'This is why I didn't want them living here!'

"Get back here Ama!" Hidan ordered from the top of the staircase.

"The hell I am!" I looked back at him, me stilling running. Suddenly I run into something solid and I fall to my butt. I look up to see two menacing green eyes looking down at me. "Gotcha Ama." Hidan grinned grabbing me by my ankle; I in panic grab Kakuzu's ankles.

"Noo I'm not ready to die!" I cried he then ripped me of my grasp on Kakuzu's ankles; we both went flying back into the wall. The next thing I knew there something on top of me, I couldn't breathe and I was sweating bullets.

"Get off me you're too hot!" I whined. He had me pin to the ground with my arms above my head.

"Yeah, I know I'm dead sexy and you are dead meat!" He chuckled taking a kunai out of nowhere and stabbing my hands to the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed in utter pain. 'This can't be happening!'

"Get the fuck up." He started shaking me violently. "For fuck's sake get the hell up!" he shakes me more.

"Wah?" I mumbled as I open my eyes slightly to see a pair of magenta eyes staring at me.

"How the hell are we suppose to fucking sleep if you're up here fucking screaming fucking bloody murder!" he yelled releasing me. I could a feel migraine coming I fell back onto the bed. 'Bed? Wait I'm in bed? What's going on!'

"What the hell were you dreaming about that made you scream that f***ing loud!" he yelled some more, my head hurting worse. 'It was a dream? Yay!' I was slightly happy.

"Please stop yelling I have a bad enough headache as it is." I mumbled rubbing my forehead it was sweaty.

"Tch fine what was your fucking dream about?" he asked more calmly.

"You were naked it was a total nightmare. Is it hot in here or is it just me?" I asked fanning myself. I hear a low chuckle emit from Kakuzu.

"Tch it's just you." Hidan left the side of the bed and walked to the doorway.

"It looks like you have a fever." Kakuzu observed taking the now open spot at the edge of the bed. "Did you wash the wound while you were in there shower." He asked staring at my hand.

"Um no, I didn't want to get the bandages wet." I frowned my hand was hurting like hell.

"Could you get any stupider?" Hidan asked leaving the doorway. Before I could make a remark Kakuzu pulled me out of bed.

"Ah! Where are you taking me!" I asked as he dragged me off into the hallway. He didn't bother to reply as he dragged me into the bathroom. He un-bandage my hand and took a look at it and boy did it look nasty. I looked away, for if I had looked at it any longer I would have puked.

"Just what I thought, it's infected." He says nonchalantly. I hear him rummage through the cabinet. "Ah found it." He said then pulls me closer to sink. I looked to see what he had pulled out of the cabinet. My eyes widen as it came to my realization to what he was going to do.

"Nooo, no, no, no, no, no! I try pulling away from him but my effort was futile. 'Why did he have to be so strong?' I cried to myself. I swear I saw him smirked underneath that mask of his as he poured the alcohol onto my hand.

"!" I screamed/cried. Tears started trailing down my face.

"Are you trying to wake the whole neighborhood up?" Kakuzu scowled still pouring the alcohol onto my hand that's stinging like hell now.

"You're enjoying this aren't you!" I bit my lip hard to stop from screaming but I bit it so hard that it started bleeding. I then hear footsteps run up the staircase and Hidan pops in.

"Did you kill her?" Hidan asked with a grin on his face it disappear when he saw me still living and breathing.

"Fuck you!" I hissed through gritted teeth.

"Tsk what a f***ing shame I thought he had fucking killed you when the screaming stop." He smirked.

"Well for your inform- ooooooowwwww! What are you doing!" I cried looking at Kakuzu.

"Re-stitching…now quit squirming and shut up before I decided to kill you." Kakuzu replied annoyed.


	5. You Gellin?

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews, favorites, and alerts! They are very much appreciated! Here's another chap! I ish slow updater...by the way I changed the rating to mature because of all the cussing that occurs and for future chapters which involve violence and gore...**

* * *

Next morning…

"Mmm, so comfy." Kaylee mumbled into her pillow. Her headache had finally disappeared and the pain in her hand had gone down a few notches. She planned on sleeping through the whole day thinking that what happened the other day was just a dream.

"Time to get the fuck up Ama." Hidan yelled pulling off the covers. Unfortunately what she was telling herself was lies.

"5fivemoreminsdaddy." Kaylee slurred her words still in dream state she went into feeble position to keep warm. Hidan's eyes narrowed at the sleeping Kaylee.

"Idiot I'm not your fucking dad." Hidan said irritated He leaves the room for a moment and comes back in with a cup; he then pours ice cold water onto the drowsy Kaylee. Kaylee then quickly sits up cursing.

"You fucking asshole!" Kaylee screeched at the top of her lungs at the unfazed zealot. "Can't you fucking see I was fucking sleeping!" she cursed some more.

"Ladies shouldn't curse so fucking much. Now get the hell out of bed Ama." Hidan flips the bed over and Kaylee falls to the ground hard. Kaylee then crawls out half way from underneath the bed and glares at the smirking Hidan.

"I. Hate. You." She said angrily.

"Yeah, yeah that's nice. Where the fuck do you keep your hair gel?" Hidan asked ignoring the death glare Kaylee is sending him.

"You….woke...me up…to ask me…that!" Kaylee said through gritted teeth.

"Yea." Hidan simply said. "Plus its 5:30am you should be glad I let you sleep in."

"You motherfucking c*** sucking bitch of a fucking whore you fucking wake me up at fucking 5:30am in the fucking morning on a weekend for that? You sire are a douche bag" Cleary Kaylee is not a morning person. She then throws a shoe at Hidan and he dodges. "Get the hell out of my room!" she yelled throwing another shoe at him, he dodges yet again.

"You haven't answered my fucking question! Wher-" "OUT!" she then grabs her night lamp and threatens to throw it at him.

"Tch what a bitch." Hidan leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. Kaylee puts the lamp back down and crawls fully out from under the bed.

"How the hell does Kakuzu put up with him?" Kaylee asked herself out loud.

"Fuck you!" Hidan yelled from the other side of the door. Kaylee ignored the fact that Hidan is still outside her door and lazily rummaged through her dresser throwing on a plain black tee with baggy blue jeans. Kaylee opens her bed room door and Hidan is waiting for her in the hallway.

"Cranky ass bitch." Hidan sneered as she passed by.

"Whateve." Kaylee let the comment pass and slowly walks down the steps.

"Where the hell do you keep the fucking gel! I need to take a fucking shower" Hidan asked following her down the stairs.

"I don't have any." Kaylee simply said reaching the end of the stairs and now heading towards the kitchen.

"Well fucking buy some seriously I need it when I'm done taking a shower." Hidan whined.

"Why don't you go buy it yourself? No one's stopping you." Kaylee said entering the kitchen. She suddenly notices Kakuzu sitting at the dinner table without his mask or his Akatsuki cloak on. He was sipping coffee and still reading that manga she gave him the other day. She also took a look at the clock it was now 6:00am.

"I don't have any fucking money dipshit!" Hidan exclaimed looking down at her waiting for her to say something.

"Go-Goo-Good Mor…ning K-Kakuzu-san." Kaylee stuttered and flushed. He just ignored her. Kaylee then gets slap aside the head.

"Ama! You fucking listening to me!" Hidan yelled getting Kaylee's attention again.

"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE OR TWO GAWD!" Kaylee yelled back. That outburst caught Kakuzu's attention he glances up to watch the two.

"FUCK NO NOT UNTIL YOU FUCKING BUY ME SOME FUCKING GEL, AMA!" Hidan yelled even louder.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT MY NAME I-" "Both of you shitheads shut the hell up I'm trying to read here!" Kakuzu interrupted. "I'm giving you guys the count of three to leave this room before I decapitated you both." Kakuzu threatened while sending death glares at them.

"Yikes! Come on Hidan lets go to the corner store!" Kaylee drags Hidan out of the kitchen. Before Kaylee drags him out the front door she stops and looks at him. "Hmm you're going to need a shirt." noticing he's wearing nothing but pants.

"Why?" Hidan asked puzzle by Kaylee's quick change of mood.

"Store rules…no shirt, no shoes, no service okay." Kaylee stated walking up the stairs.

"Where the hell are you going now?" Hidan asked standing at the foot of the stairs.

"To get you a t-shirt, duh." Kaylee responded walking into her room then a few seconds later coming out with a tee. "Here catch." She throws it at him while walking down the stairs and he catches. He tries it on.

"Its fucking small." Hidan whined.

"Of course it's small I'm a small person! You're lucky I wear baggy clothing!" Kaylee said heading out the door, Hidan followed. "Oh wait!" Kaylee said stopping him. Hidan narrowed his eyes down at her.

"What the fucking is it now?" Hidan glared.

"You can't go out looking like that!" Kaylee pointed out.

"Like what? What the hell do you mean?" Hidan was getting irritated.

"You're going to stick out like a sore thumb with the white hair and pink eyes!" Kaylee exclaimed. Hidan simply glared at her.

"They're not pink idiot, I don't care if I fucking stick out."

"I'm not taking you then." Kaylee cross her arms over her chest.

"You're so fucking annoying." He muttered out.

"Hey, I'm not the one begging for hair gel." She put her hands up in defense. Hidan rolled his eyes and then did a few hand signs. Poof! Hidan now had light blonde hair and brown eyes.

"There fucking happy now?" He glared.

"Ah yeah I suppose…" Kaylee said walking out the door.

Two hours of looking around the store later…

"Holy Jashin this store is full of shit" Hidan said amazed by all the junk in the store.

"Mhmm now pick out a tube of gel and let- oh crap they're here!" Kaylee jumps and hides at the end of the aisle.

"What the fuck?" Hidan looks down the aisle to see who "_they"_ is, which were only three girls. "Why the hell, are you hiding from them?" he asked staring at the three females.

"Because they the ones who threw me in the dumpster yesterday!" Kaylee whispered peeking around the corner.

"I thought you said you were in there looking for money?" Hidan was now confused.

"Don't you know what sarcasm is! Gasp they're coming this way!" Kaylee runs behind the aisle again.

"How pathetic." Hidan watch as Kaylee coward behind the shelving.

"Oh look what we have here girls." The leader said walking up to Hidan. "A major hottie." She purred in his face. Hidan looks at the girl in disgust. 'Her breathe fucking smells.' He then glances back to where Kaylee had hid and smirks to himself. He looks towards the girls.

"You ain't so bad yourself what's your name?" Hidan grinned.

"Nicole and yours' hot stuff?" she cooed.

"Hi-"

*cough hackle, hackle cough* the coughing came from the next aisle.

"Hid-"

*cough, cough hackle cough*

"would you f***ing stop!" Hidan yelled his grin disappearing. There was a moment of silence. "I'm Hida-"

*cough, cough, cough hackle, hackle cough hackle cough*

"How about we take this conversation somewhere else?" Nicole insisted.

"Yea how about we go to my place? I only live down the street." Hidan's grinned appeared on his face once again even wider.

"What? No!" Kaylee dashed out from the next aisle.

"You!" Nicole exclaimed pointing at Kaylee.

"Me?" Kaylee gestures to herself, scared to death.

"How dare you interrupt us! Girls!" Nicole queued and the two girls were right on Kaylee holding her down.

"Let me go!" Kaylee struggled she looked pleading towards Hidan he just stared back blankly. 'That good for nothing zealot.'

"Girl, do you know how much it cost me to get the stains out of my boots?" Nicole asked walking up to Kaylee.

"No and I don't care." Kaylee mumble. Nicole slaps her hard across the face causing the wound on her lip to reopen and bleed. Kaylee sucks on lip to stop the bleeding.

"600 dollars." Nicole answered grabbing a bottle of shampoo from the shelf.

"Wow your I.Q. must be real low you could have bought two more pairs." Kaylee said in a smartass tone. Apparently Kaylee's I.Q. is low also for not realizing the situation she is in. Nicole opened up the shampoo and squirts the stuff into Kaylee's eyes. Kaylee bit her lip to keep the screams in. The two girls let her fall to the ground. She tried wiping the shampoo out of her eyes but they were still stinging.

"Now." Nicole turns back to Hidan. "Where were we?" she asked.

"My place." he smirked. They soon leave the store leaving the temporarily blind Kaylee alone in the aisle.

"Ma'am is you alright?" one of the worker's notice Kaylee rubbing at her eyes franticly

"No! Someone squirted shampoo in my eyes!" Kaylee cried 'and Hidan ditched me…I'm kicking them all out when I get home.' The worker helps direct Kaylee to the restrooms and rinsed out her eyes. 'I got to get home pronto who knows what they'll do there!' Kaylee dashes out of the store and down the street. As she gets closer Kaylee sees a silver SUV in her drive way and starts to run faster. She reaches the house and swings open the front door, her jaw drops and eyes widen at the sight she sees in the living room.


	6. Chicken

**Thanks for all the favorites, reviews and alerts! This chapter is Hidan rated should be read at your own discretion! **

* * *

It was an unbelievable sight to behold! Hidan was having a lovely threesome on the couch while Kakuzu was making-out with one on the recliner. It was so far-fetched that it wasn't true…okay now on with the chap…

Blood was all over the place and I mean it was everywhere far and wide, on the couch, the table, smeared handprints on the walls, TV and defiantly on the floor. On the living room floor laid bloody corpses, including the one she recognize as Hidan. Fresh blood was oozing out of their wounds onto the hardwood floor. There were large gashes on their abdominals, one them had their guts sticking out. Kaylee's whole body had froze she was stunned, actually she was horrified by the gory sight.

"Dai…dit...der." only gibberish came out of her mouth she was dumbfounded. What did she do to deserve this horrendous scene? She felt something lightly grip her pant leg.

"Ahh." Kaylee yelped and jumps backs. She looks down flabbergasted to see one of the girls before her barely alive. The girl's mouth open and blood started to dribble out.

"Help mee..." the girl begged her voice barely audible, she coughs up blood and then gazes up at Kaylee. Kaylee didn't know how react to this she was at a lost. What could she possibly do to save the lass? Suddenly she was shoved harshly onto the couch by an unknown force. She looks up and finds the cause.

"K-K-Ka-Kakuze-zoo." Kaylee stuttered looking up into his cold gaze which held no emotion. He glares at her then at the girl on the ground. Kakuzu crouches down in front of the girl and lifts her chin up ever so gently so she is staring up at him. Her eyes fill with horror and tears at the sight of him, his eyes piercing her soul.

"P-Plea…se…don-don't." the girl plead, he rubs her cheek with his thumb tenderly. Kakuzu's face was blank; he glances at the frightened Kaylee from the corner of his eye and snaps the girl's neck making a...well a snapping noise. The girl's body goes limp, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Kakuzu releases the girl's head and raises, he stares down at Kaylee. This blew Kaylee's reality out of proportion this can't be happening, not to her! She just couldn't ingest the events, she wanted to scream but couldn't she couldn't even breathe this was all too much for her and so she fainted.

"You fucking heathen I wasn't finish with the fucking ritual!" Hidan yelled blood spraying in all directions from his mouth as he sat up glaring at Kakuzu. "You fucking did it on purpose too dammit."

"Get over it, you were taking too long." Kakuzu said bluntly stepping through the puddles of blood and walking into the kitchen leaving the passed out Kaylee.

"Is the bitch back yet?" Hidan asked scanning the blood filled living room.

"Couch." Kakuzu responded. Hidan then spots her and his eyes narrow.

"She sleeps too fucking much." He scoffed.

Hours Later…

Kaylee wakes up in the darkness of the living room only a bit of light was emitting from the kitchen to the room. After remembering the event that had happen earlier she springs to the end of the couch and flips on the light. To her comfort everything looked cleaned; it was as if nothing happened. Everything was intact well except for the huge hole in the wall by the recliner. Kaylee blinked 'where are they?' then the aroma of chicken filled the room. Kaylee's tummy growled she slowly gets up and tips toe to the kitchen. She carefully pokes her head into the kitchen trying to be stealthy. She spots Kakuzu bend over with his back turned in front of the oven she scans around some more but no Hidan.

"Take a seat." He ordered with his back still turned. He then pulls out a cooked chicken of the oven, it was weird seeing him wearing oven mitts with a dress shirt…wait where did he get the shirt and chicken? "Stare any longer and you'll find yourself dead on the floor. Now sit down." He threatened. 'how did he know I was looking he has his back towards me! Stupid ninja skills.' Kaylee sighed and sits at the table.

"Wha-" "We took care of the bodies already. Where you keep the seasoning?" he spoke as if reading her mind.

"Top right cupboard. Where-" "Hidan's out doing another one of his stupid rituals I had to 'persuade' him to do it outside the house." He answered Kaylee's unfinished question he searches through the cupboard and fines what he's looking for he then seasons the chicken.

"How-" "Went to the corner store." He digs his hand into his pocket and pulls out a wallet. He tosses it onto the dinner table; Kaylee quickly realizes it's hers.  
"You stole my wallet! Wait I only had 26 dollars how-"

"Cracked your safe open." He interrupted again and made his plate.

"You ba-" "Be careful or you'll die" He warned Kaylee pointing a fork full of chicken at her and taking a seat at the table. Kaylee opened her mouth to say something but her tummy interrupted her. They both glance down at her bellowing stomach.

"Mind if I get some chicken?" Kaylee asked staring at his plate. He grunts as he chews his food.

"I'm sorry but I don't speak caveman." Surely Kaylee isn't going to get away with that remark. Tendrils wrapped themselves all around Kaylee's body, some wrapped tightly around her neck. Kakuzu stands up and brings her close to him so they're faces only inches apart.

"Make one more smartass remark and I'll tear your vocal cords right out." Kakuzu sneered tightening the tendrils around her. Kaylee's face was turning blue.

"If you're gonna fucking tentacle rape her do it in another fucking room." Hidan said stepping into the kitchen. Kakuzu glowers at Hidan and drops Kaylee to the ground. Lucky for her, Hidan had come and that her face was already flushed.

"Go to hell." Kakuzu scowled reseating himself at the table.

"You first heathen." Hidan sneered walking towards the food. Kaylee just sat there on the ground catching her breath. Her neck felt tender she'll be getting bruises there no doubt. "Are you going to fucking sit there all day! Fucking move Ama!" Kaylee looks up to see Hidan glaring down at her. 'Remember lee these guys are killers not some goofs you can tell off.' Kaylee reminded herself. She crawls to the right and sits against the dishwasher she lets out a sigh. Hidan makes himself a plate and sits across from Kakuzu. A few minutes of Kaylee's tummy growling pass.

"Jashin that's fucking annoying eat for fuck sake's."

"I don't have the appetite to eat." Kaylee pouted she couldn't get rid of the picture of guts spilling out or the horrified look on the girl's face. Her stomach protested with another growl. Hidan glared.

"Alright." Kaylee gave in. She makes herself a plate and turns to the table. She pauses 'Great why did I set the table like this. Either I sit next to Hidan or Kakuzu. Surely Kakuzu is not in a good mood and I don't want to sit next to Hidan not after the event I witness earlier. You know what I'll just eat in my room.' Kaylee starts heading to the stairs.

"Where you think you're going?" Kakuzu questioned seeing Kaylee leaving the kitchen.

"To my room." She said quietly.

"Get back here and take a seat we need to talk." Kakuzu order, he pulled out the seat next to him. Kaylee did as order and hesitantly sat down.

She looks down at her plate, the gravy turns into blood, the mashed potatoes into guts, two of the peas turned into two terrified eyes. A tear slowly slid down her cheek. She looks up the men eating.

"How can you guys eat after such a horrific event?" Kaylee ask sadly looking at them both Hidan looks up.

"What the hell do you mean?" Hidan asked confused. Kaylee's eyes narrowed at Hidan's ignorance.

"What do you mean what I mean? How can you eat after killing someone? After having their blood pour onto the floor? After witnessing a death of someone! How do you still have the appetite to eat when the image of someone's organs are sticking out of a body is forged into the back of your head?" Kaylee exclaimed tearing and smashing her chicken to bits. "How!"

"You're disgusting can't you see were eating." He complains pointing at his food.

"Can't you see I'm mentally scarred!" Kaylee screamed standing up. 'How could someone be so cruel?' Kaylee was fuming.

"More like mentally retarded." Hidan said under his breath and continued to eat.

"You're dead!" Kaylee snapped jumping over the table which caught Hidan off guard. She was now on top of him.

"Mood swings much? What are you going to do squish me to death bitch?" Hidan snickered looking up at Kaylee.

"No I'm going to shove this fork down your throat." Kaylee snarled shoving the fork in his face.

"I dare you" he smirked.

"Fine." Kaylee grinned and lifts the fork in the air then starts bringing it down but stops when tendrils start wrapping around her wrist.


	7. Oh My

**A/N:Thank you guys for the reviews, alerts, and favorites, I appreciate it very much! I'll be adding pictures I had drawn for this story sometime in the near future!**

* * *

Later that night…

*Grumble*

"Shut up." Kaylee whined to her stomach holding at it tightly. She was lying in bed curled up; she did not want to leave the safety of her covers.

*Gruuuumbllle*

"Okay, okay I give I'll go eat." She said in total defeat to her stomach. It's been growling for 2 hours straight now and it was getting worse by the second. Kaylee got out of bed and hunched over everything ached her head, eyes, lips, neck, hand and not to forget her stomach. She walks slowly clutching her stomach with her left hand heading to the door. Kaylee brings her right hand up to move the chair but pauses when she realizes it's her bandaged hand. How was she supposed to open the door now? Kaylee glares at the chair as if she were a telepath waiting for it to move which of course didn't. She then kicks the chair out of the way and quickly opens the door with her left hand.

She walks out still hunched over and continues down the hall waddling. She stops at the end of hall in front of a partially open door which is the guest bedroom. She hears loud snoring coming from inside the room. Dare she take a peek in to see who it is? She inches towards the door slowly.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." was a deep voice from behind her. She quickly spins around (which she shouldn't have cause now she feels sick to her stomach) to see Kakuzu walking out of the bathroom wearing black silky pajamas and his hair neatly comb. Kaylee raises a brow and hears a loud snore emit from the bedroom she looks back to the room. Kaylee was curious now "Where the hell did he get those pajamas and why wouldn't he?' She touches the door slightly thinking about opening it still.

"He sleeps naked." Kakuzu added as warning to her as he passes by to the stairs. This interests her more and proceeds to push the door open ever so slightly. "He also humps pillows when he gets into one of those deep sleeps." He stops and looks bored at her to see her twitch at him.

"Hey you fucking promise to keep that a fucking secret!" bellowed Hidan's voice from the bedroom. Kaylee turns back to the door to see Hidan's magenta eyes only inches from hers, glaring daggers at her. Hidan's sudden presences caught her off-guard and she jumps back into Kakuzu, he catches her by the shoulders. Kaylee flushes a little at his grip.  
"You promised not to screw up the mission." Kakuzu growled clutching Kaylee's shoulders tight. Her face contorts from the new pain.

'Something bad is going to happen I can feel it.'

"You're the one that fucked it up Kakuzu." Hidan said raising his voice and stepping out of the bedroom *ahem* naked. Kaylee's eyes widen.

"Wow" she said quietly staring at ah…um Hidan's fruits? Kaylee then yelps in pain as Kakuzu's grip on her shoulders tighten once more. He is getting angry no doubt. The tension in the air was growing thick.

"You moron you're the one who fell into the trap dragging me with you. You're the one who screwed it up." Kakuzu fumed he push Kaylee aside hard as if she was just an object in his way and sent her over the railing.

"Ahh!" Kaylee screamed catching a pole with her good hand as she fell. She was now dangling in the air. Kaylee heard them wrestling before there was a grotesque sound. 'That doesn't sound good.' Kaylee couldn't see anything but was rather happy for that part.

"You fucking bastard." Hidan scowled his voice got weaker with each word.

"Hey! Anyone up there! I sure can use some help!" Kaylee's gripped was slipping. "HELP!" she scream at the top of her lungs. Kakuzu then peered over the railing his face blank.

"What the hell are you doing there?" Kakuzu asked staring down at her some threads flow from his sleeve and wrapped around Kaylee.

"I don't know I just felt like hanging around." Kaylee glared at Kakuzu as he brought her over the rail.

"Right." He looks at her weird and drops her to the ground.

"Ow." Kaylee rubs her butt. She then notices Kakuzu's hands were all bloody. "Wah-What happened to Hidan?" She asked fearfully looking up at him. He gazes at her then at his bloody hands.

"He went back to sleep. Care to join him?" He stated coldly looking down at her.

"No thanks!" she scrambles to her feet and quickly rushes down the stairs. Kakuzu closes the guest room door behind him and heads back into the bathroom.

"Greatest. Weekend. Ever." Kaylee sighed to herself walking into the kitchen. She opens the fridge and rummages through it looking for the leftover chicken. "For the first time in my life I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow." Grabbing the plate of chicken she closes the door only to see Kakuzu now standing in its place Kaylee jumps. "Holy crap!" She drops the plate to ground and it shatters. Kaylee looks up into his glare; there was a moment of silence. He then passes her and picks up the manga that's sitting at the table and disappears into the living room. 'Awkward'.

Kaylee's P.O.V.

I walk into the living room and plop down on the recliner. I then notice Kakuzu sitting causally on the couch reading the manga quietly. His dark brown hair in his face, his light green eyes focus intently on the pages before him. If only he weren't so deadly I mentally sighed. He closes the book and places it on the coffee table he then looks towards me and ours eyes meet. The malevolence in his eyes made me want to go hide under a rock and stay there for the rest of my life. Did I do something wrong?

"Stop staring." He said abruptly with his voice dangerously low.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I said apologetically looking sheepishly down at the floor noticing some blood splotches, they missed a few spots.

"Do you have any more of these?" he asked. I look up to see him holding the manga up once more. I shook my no and he drops it on the table again.

"Why not?" He leans back into the couch and arches an eyebrow. I really hate explaining things so I just shrugged my shoulders looking down.

"Do you fear me?" he asks. I look up to see him tilt his head, hair falling into his eyes. I bite my lip to keep from smiling that gesture was just too cute for a serial killer mind you.

"Is there any reason not to fear you?" I counter his question sitting back into the recliner keeping eye contact with him. He stares at me for a moment then his gaze shifts to the front door for a second then back at me.

"Are you expecting anybody?" he whispered getting up.

"Huh? Um, no? Not at this" "Shh" "hour?" I finished in a whisper. I get up following him to the door curious to what he is doing. "Why is som-" he clamps his hand over my mouth. By golly he has a big hand and it smells like blood Hidan's no doubt. Oh god he didn't wash his hands ew. He cautiously peeks out of the top door window.

*Ding-Dong*

'Wow'

"Melfh?" I try asking my voice muffled through his hand.

"Some hag with a club." he said looking out. 'Some hag? Ha-ha that's being real descriptive.'

"Ef za at wad?" I asked with his hand still over my mouth.

"What?" he removes his hand.

"I said is the bat red?" I asked walking up to the door, going on my tiptoes though still I wasn't able to see out the window. 'Damn my shortness.'

"I don't have night vision kid." He answered glaring at me. I start jumping up and down in front of the door trying to see through the little window.

"What are you doing?" Kakuzu asked sounding really irritated watching me jump.

"I *jump* want *jump* to*jump* see *jump* who *jump it *jump* is." I replied between each jump. I feel Kakuzu place his hands on my shoulders and I wince in pain from the touch.

"Stop." He ordered. I obey as I had no other choose and I look back at him pouting.

"I want to see." I quivered my lip and looked at him with sad eyes. He didn't look all too flattered about the look I was giving him.

"Whatever it is you want, no." he said sternly to me.

*ding dong*

"Damn bastard." I muttered under my breath and walked into the kitchen and came out with a chair. "Move." I command. He stares down at me and reluctantly moves out of the way. He then leans against the wall and watches me place the chair in front of the door and climb on it. I look out the window to see an old lady around in her 60's with a baseball bat. "Just as I thought." I said jumping off the chair and moving it aside.

"Hmm?" Kakuzu hummed.

"It's Ms. Doberman. She's one of my nosy neighbors." I sighed and opened up the door slowly. Kakuzu hides behind the door.

"Hi, Ms. Doberman." I greeted flatly.

"Oh sweetie you look horrible! Are you alright? I heard screaming moments earlier I looked out the window to see a vehicle I didn't recognize in your driveway and so I searched for my bat and came over quickly as possible!" she ask worried.

"I'm fine Ms. Doberman. You should go home and get some rest." I answered putting on a smile.

"Oh don't lie to me missy, it looks you've been through hell. Is there some man behind the door holding you at gun point?" Ms. Doberman gave me a stern look.

"If only you knew the half of it." I murmured looking at Kakuzu.

"I'm sorry what was that sweetie?" the old lady took a step closer.

"I said don't worry I'll…live." I glance back over to Kakuzu to see him roll his eyes.

"What happen to your eyes dear they're so red?" she asked.

"Shampoo Ms. Doberman." I replied

"Oh my and your lips dear they look swollen?"

"I bit them when I got shampoo in my eyes." I replied again

"And what about your neck sweetie it looks all bruised." I glared at Kakuzu for a moment and huffed.

"Making-out okay? They're hickeys. I'm fine. Everything is great and dandy. Have a good ni-"

"But I heard you scream for help earlier what for?" She asked even more curious now. 'How should I tell her? Oh yes I'll just tell her that an s-rank criminal from a stupid comic book threw me over the stinking railing cause he was arguing with his damn zealot of a boyfriend…that sounds believable no?'

"Um you see Ms. Doberman." I paused scratching the back of my head thinking of a good lie. A few seconds pass and one finally pops into my head. I take a nice deep breath.

"You see Ms. Doberman one of the guys that is currently staying the night left the toilet seat up and me being me didn't look and fell into the toilet and got stuck and then I got really mad and frustrate and screamed for help because I couldn't get out myself. Okay?" I answered exhaling the rest of the air.

"Okay dear have a good night." she said and with that left. Kakuzu closes the door. I wiped the non-existing sweat from my forehead.

"I don't know wha-" "You Fucking Bastard! The moment I get the feeling back in my legs I'm fucking sacrificing your ass. You hear me fuck-face I'm gonna…etc." I quickly jump behind Kakuzu startle by Hidan's booming voice.

"Hidan scares me. Could you just shut him up again and make sure it's like for the entire night or eternity?" "I heard that bitch and your next!" Hidan yelled from upstairs.

"Gawd how can you stand that guy he's causing my headache to return." I groaned rubbing my temples.

"Jashin-sama! Ama, Jashin-sama!" He yelled some more. Kakuzu looks up the stairs then back down at me and shakes his head.

"I can't." Kakuzu simply stated and headed up the staircase I followed suit but cautiously I don't want to run into a disgruntle Hidan. As we reached the top of the stairs we see Hidan crawling out the bedroom and into the hallway. His throat slightly bleeding and his head in a position it shouldn't be I cringe at the sight.

"You motherfuckers you are going to feel wraith of Jashin tonight and-"

"Shut up Hidan before I kill you." Kakuzu threatened.

"As if that's possible." Hidan retorted

"Kaylee I suggest you go to bed now." Kakuzu said glaring down at Hidan. It was more of an order than a suggestion but took it anyways and headed off to bed…hungry.


	8. Good Morning

**A/N:I loved the reviews from you guys they motivated me to upload more chaps! Again Thank you all for the reviews, favorites, ****and alerts! Don't be hesitate to point out any flaws or if the characters OOC, just let me know...k ENJOY!**

* * *

The warmth of the sunrays on my face felt soothing, the comforter cozy, and the bed comfy. I had a feeling that this morning was going to be perfect but that feeling left when I tried inhaling the scent of the room. It was terrible it smelled like something crawled under the bed and died. I open my eyes half way and sat up to find out what that smell was only to see a grinning Hidan with his bloody scythe in hand. Why is he in my room and smiling I have no idea and I don't want to find out.

"Wakey, Wakey." He beamed swinging the scythe at my head trying to decapitate me. I roll off the bed hitting hardwood floor with a thud at the same time I hear his scythe clash into the wall. Boy this guy knows how to wake me up. Looking up I see him standing on top of the bed towering over me. The glint in his eyes made my hair stand on end along with the devious smile that played across his face. He lets out a low and dangerous chuckle.

"I told you Ama. Once I got the feeling in my legs I would kill you." He narrowed his eyes, though still grinning. He pulls his scythe from the wall causing bits of dry wall to fall upon the bed. Slowly he raises it over his head and lets out the scariest laughter I never want to hear again. He starts swinging the scythe down upon me.

"Ah shit!" I kick off the wall as hard as possible sliding under the bed to the other side. Thank you to whoever installed the hardwood floor throughout the entire house. I quickly got to my feet the moment I stop sliding. I take a glance back seeing him try to get his scythe out of the floor.

"You're crazy!" I screamed at him before I ran out of the bedroom.

"Get back here you fucking wimp." He yelled pulling his scythe free from the ground.

"Make me!" I yelled back running into the hallway. I then spot Kakuzu walking out into the hallway at a slow pace, looks like he just woke up. He covers his mouth for a yawn and starts heading to the bathroom.

"Oooh Aaama" Hidan called out in a sing song voice. He walks out of the bedroom with the scythe leaning on his shoulder. "Time to die." He said in a dangerously low tone. I turn running towards Kakuzu diving in between his legs and sliding pass him. Kakuzu turns his head to look down at me his eyes half lidded; I look up at him pleadingly. He turns back to Hidan who is now charging at us. Kakuzu smacks his lips tiredly and just as Hidan was about pass him to get to me. Kakuzu lifted his arm up and clotheslines him in the throat. 'oh you, Kakuzu you're my hero' I thought jokingly. Hidan goes flying backwards landing on his back, clutching his now pained throat. Kakuzu then continues his way into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Leaving Hidan and I sitting in the hallway, Hidan sits up glaring at me. I give him a half-heart smile.

"How about we call a truce?" I asked putting my hand out to shake. He looks at me disgusted.

"Tch." Was his response he then spits in my hands and flicks me off. My expression drops and so does my hand I wipe the spit off on a nearby rug.

"Asshole." I murmured glaring at him.

"Bitch." He countered back with a glare.

"Dickhead."

"Cocksucker."

"Jackass."

"Whore."

"Idiots." Kakuzu bluntly said interrupting our little quarrel after that he passes Hidan to the staircase. "Whatever you do Hidan don't kill her." Kakuzu warned him before walking down the stairs.

"Oh fuck you." Hidan stands up looking down at me. Maybe he's concocting another plan to make my life miserable. I get up also staring back at him. He glances at the bathroom then back at me and smirks. At first I was confused but then it hit me. We both rush to the bathroom but he reaches it sooner than me and slams the door in my face almost breaking my nose. I fell to the ground having the wind nearly knocked out of me. I felt warm liquid run down out of my nose.

"Bastard! I got to go to work." I yelled at the door pinching my nose closed. I hear him chuckle.

"I'd be sure to leave you some hot water…not!" he laughed. I kicked the bathroom door out of frustration and headed downstairs. I head into the kitchen to grab paper towels to stuff in my nose. Kakuzu was sitting at the table drinking coffee he gave me an odd look when I enter the kitchen.

"Don't ask." I said stuffing a paper towel up my nostril.

"What time you go to work?" Kakuzu asked taking a sipped of his coffee.

"Why what time is it?" I asked looking at the stove's clock. "Holy fudge sticks I'm an hour late." I screamed pulling at my hair with my open hand. "Gawd dammit Hidan hurry up I'm late for work!" I yelled up the stairs.

"Too fucking bad and it's Jashin!" he yelled back from within the shower. I pace back and forth.

"How much you make an hour?" Kakuzu asked calmly watching me pace.

"$13.50, why?" I stopped pacing and watched Kakuzu stand up as well as head up the stairs, I follow in slow pursuit. He walks up to the bathroom door and let loose a tendril unlocking the door. He twists the knob opening the door then heads in; I close my eyes for I've already lost enough blood as it is of today.

"What the hell? Get the fuck ou- ow ,ow, ow!" I hear Hidan whine. Peeking an eye open I notice Hidan has a towel now over him so I open my eyes up again. Kakuzu had Hidan by the ear pulling him out into the hallway. Hidan was glaring daggers at my direction which made me feel very uncomfortable. 'Why does he hate me so much?' I frowned.

"Kaylee." Kakuzu called drawing my attention. I looked up at him I didn't realize I was staring at Hidan's towel. "Go take a shower time is money." He said pushing me into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

"Right." I said to myself getting undress and hopping into the shower. I turn on the water and it was ice cold. "Sweet mother of je-" "Jashin!" "Stop that I hate you!" "I hate you more!" "Screw you!" "Anytime!" I face palm myself I'm starting to hate this guy. I continued my icy cold shower and got dressed quickly. I then headed downstairs with my work stuff in hand.

"Alright I'm off to work." I told them.

Kakuzu was at the table, resumed to his coffee and Hidan on top of the counter munching on an apple.

"Good riddance." Hidan said with a full mouth.

"Yeah love yah too." I said grabbing a pop-tart for the road after that I headed out the door. I stop at the edge of the porch realizing that there's an SUV parked right behind my Jeep.

"Hidan!" I yelled turning back opening the door. "Did you by any chance pick up keys from the… ah bodies?" I asked scratching the back of my head.

"What keys?" he asked chugging down the last of my OJ.

"You know what never mind I'll just take the bus." I huffed walking out.

After an hour of traffic while on the wrong bus and a mile of running Kaylee finally made it to work.

I rush through the automatic doors to see the manager (which you can't really miss cause of his orange hair and he is the tallest of our staff members) talking to my co-worker at the receptions desk. Upon hearing the doors open he turns to face me his brown eyes narrow.

"Kaylee you're two hours la- by golly what happened to you?" My manager asked flabbergasted seeing me in all my glory.

"Long story short I didn't have such a great weekend." I stated flatly huffing. I bend over resting my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. Boy do I need to get in shape.

"Well take the day off I'm not going to make you work in such a horrible condition so just go home." He said waving me off. I look up at him my eyes widen and fear took over 'Go home?' he can't do this to me.

"What? No please! Mr. Rocksrot don't send me home I beg of you don't send me home!" I cried groveling at his feet. He gave me a bewildered look. Because normally I would be happy to take the day off but of all days it had to be today the day I actually want to work.

"Kaylee are you alright? I think you should go back home and rest." He said stepping back. Maybe I came off too dramatic for him. I took in a deep breath and exhaled.

"I'm fine Mr. Rocksrot jus-just don't send me home please." I said trying to be calm.

"Are your parents back to visited you again because I don't see any another reason why you would want to work in the condition you're in now?" he asked. My boss knows me well, he knows how much I hate coming to work and he has unfortunately met my parents. Sadly I'm not sure which case scenario is worse having my parents visit for a day or living with Kakuzu and Hidan for the rest of my life.

"No Mr. Rocksrot they're not but it's something just as bad." I said looking out the office window it's raining now. I am so not walking home in the rain.

"What could be worse than your parents?" one of my co-workers asked surprised that something can be remotely as bad as my parents.

"Cousins?" I lied they were S-rank criminals.

"You're still going home; I already have Frank here to fill in for you." He said and walked into his office closing the door behind him before I can protest. 'Damn it.'

Back at home…

"Oi Kakuzu you should just let me sacrifice the wench seriously." Hidan said stretching out on the couch.

"Hidan do you have a job?" Kakuzu asked from the recliner looking over a newspaper.

"No but-" Hidan began.

"Then shut up." Kakuzu ordered continue to read the paper.

*Ring ring, ring ring.* came a sound off the wall. Kakuzu and Hidan looked at each other then at the phone. They slowly get up and stare at it as it rang.

*Ring, ring*

"What the hell is it?" Hidan asked looking at it sideways.

"Looks like a hand radio." Kakuzu stated taking it off the charger and examining it. Then a barely audible voice was heard from the strange object Kakuzu brought it up to his ear.

"ellllooo anyone theree! Gawd dammit don't tell me you guys don't know how to use a phone!" was a feminine voice from the other line. Kakuzu quickly recognize the annoying sound.

"Kaylee?" he asked raising a brow.

"Hey looks like we have a winner! Your prize is lunch! What the hell do you guys want to eat?" Kaylee said in sarcastic tone.

"Just get something cheap." Kakuzu answered.

"Get what cheap?" Hidan asked

"None of your business." Kakuzu growled.

"Pizza it is then." Kaylee chirped

"Give me the damn thing." Hidan reached for the phone.

"Back off." Kakuzu sidekicks him across the room. Hidan falls to the ground landing with a thud.

"What just happened? What was that sound!" Kaylee questioned in panic of her house being destroyed.

"Nothing… When will you be back?" Kakuzu replied glaring down at Hidan.

"About a half hour I'm having a special friend come over so the house better not be destroyed when I get back bye." Kaylee warned with a click after that was a dial tone. Kakuzu takes the phone from his ear and stares at it.

"Special friend?" Kakuzu repeated to himself.

"What does the bitch have a boyfriend?" Hidan asked hearing Kakuzu mumble to himself. Hidan stood up brushing the non-existent dirt off his rump. "Or maybe she's a fucking lesbian." Hidan added smirking. Kakuzu in return glared at him and whipped the phone at his head. Though as always Hidan dodge the flying electric with ease and the poor thing shattered into pieces behind him. "What the hell was that for?" Hidan asked looking back at the destroyed phone. Kakuzu shrugged

"Force of habit." Kakuzu replied walking out of the living room and up the stairs.

"Right, what the hell are you doing now fuck-face." Hidan asked watching him walk up the stairs. Kakuzu ignored him and continued to the bathroom slamming the door behind him. "Bastard." Hidan mumbled to himself.


	9. Phony

**A/N: Once again I thank you all for your lovely reviews, favorites and alerts! This chapter I actually dislike but it had to happen and I just couldn't think of any other way to make it work. Whelp Enjoy!**

* * *

Half an hour later…

Kaylee searches through her soaked pockets for her house keys with one hand while holding the pizza with the other.

"Dammit where are they I should have'em…oh wait I took the bus I don't have my car keys." she then bangs her head several times on the door in frustration. Suddenly there was click and the doorknob twisting open. Kaylee looks up to see Hidan standing at the door with a pike sticking out of his chest. Blood was dribbling out the corner of his mouth and also there was some gushing out of the wound in his torso. Kaylee gawk at the man before her.

"What?" He asked irritated. Kaylee narrowed her eyes.

"You're bleeding all over the gawd damn place. You're ruining my hardwood floor. Do you how expensive it was to get this floor furnished? Kaylee complained pointing at the puddle of blood on the ground with her free hand. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Jashin! You're Kakuzu's fucking twin I swear. Money obsessed whores." Hidan mumble walking into the kitchen while pulling the pike out of his chest and placing it in the sink.

"Ha-ha Hidan ha-ha…I'm not obsessed you just don't have any respect for hard earned cash." Kaylee stated placing the pizza on the dinner table.

"Like I give a shit about money, I can live without that blasphemy bullshit." Hidan wetted a hand-towel and wiped off his chest.

"Hidan even if you are immortal you cannot live life without money that would be like impossible." Kaylee said grabbing some tableware from the cupboard then bringing them to the table.

"You know what you're not his twin you're his clone only uglier." Hidan snubbed seating himself into a chair at the table. Kaylee cringed and slammed the tableware on table luckily they were cups and not glass otherwise they would be broken. 'Must not stoop to his level must not-'

"Cunt." Hidan interrupted her meditation.

"That's it you are going down you albino zealot!" Kaylee screamed grabbing the nearest object which was a cup unfortunately and throws it at him which of course he easily dodges. The cup is catch by the now present Kakuzu.

"How long have you been standing there?" Kaylee blinked and slumps into a chair.

"Long enough to want to strangle you both." Kakuzu said dryly placing the cup on the table. "What's in the box?" he asked pointing to the pizza box.

"Pizza." Kaylee answered pulling the box to herself.

"What the hell is pizza?" Hidan asked staring at the box while Kakuzu takes a seat also staring at it.

"It's food." Kaylee said blandly opening up the box to revile a delicious looking pizza with pepperoni as the only topping. Kaylee takes two slices then shoves the box to the center of the table. Kakuzu and Hidan stare at the pizza for a moment then at Kaylee who is now stuffing her face. Kaylee looks up at the two.

"Wah?" she asked with a full mouth. "It's good. Eat before my buddy comes over." She stuffed her face more. Kakuzu grabs a slice and places it on his plate.

"Who's this buddy of yours?" Kakuzu asked taking a bite of the pizza after that he stares at it for a moment then he devours it.

"Oh, don't worry he's nice." Kaylee pauses. "Unlike you guys." She muttered.

"Nice guys finish last." Hidan countered taking a slice.

"At least they out live the villain." She countered back pouring herself pop.

"He won't if I kill him." Hidan smirked taking a bite of the pizza. After he savored the taste he took 4 more slices.

"If you kill him I'll call the cops." Kaylee glared.

"Call? How?" he asked stuffing the rest of the pizza into his mouth.

"It's called a phone dumbass Kakuzu was using it earlier talking to me." Kaylee answered as if it were obvious.

"Ha that thing is broken. Kakuzu shattered it into pieces" Hidan laughed.

"You did what!" Kaylee exasperated, looking at Kakuzu. He didn't answer he just continued on with the pizza. "You guys are unbelievable, destructive, jerks!" At that moment Kaylee wanted to flip the table but a certain knock at the door caught her attention.

Kaylee flew out of her seat to the front door. She soon stops in front of a towel drenched in blood on the floor.

"Okay who was the smart one to place my favorite towel on top of the puddle of blood?" Kaylee scowled picking up the bloody thing by the clean corner and bringing it to the kitchen. Hidan quickly points to Kakuzu. "Way to sell out your partner Hidan." Kaylee said dryly, Hidan in return flick her off. "Anyways…KAKUZU WHAT THE HELL this was my favorite towel! You know I have paper towels you could have used instead of this!" Kaylee scolded. Kakuzu stood up and stared down at her.

*ding dong*

"Unthankful brat." Kakuzu growled grabbing the towel from her and throwing it in the sink.

"Oh I'm sorry thank you for cleaning up Hidan's blood with my towel." Kaylee said sarcastically.

*Ding dong, ding dong*

"Are you going to fucking answer that?" Hidan asked grabbing the last slice and stuffing the whole thing in his mouth.

"Pig." Kaylee said disgusted. "And yes right after you guys use henge. I don't want him freaking out." She added looking at them. They just stared back as if it was a staring contest. There was loud pounding on the door, seems like the person was getting impatient. "Please?" Kaylee pleaded, they're still just staring at her. "Come on this is important." Kaylee whined giving them the puppy dog eyes, their faces were blank. "GAWD DAMMIT IF YOU GUYS DON'T USE HENGE RIGHT NOW, LATER TONIGHT I'M SHOVING STICKS UP YOU'RE ASSES WHILE YOU'RE ASLEEP." Kaylee threatened. At that moment they both used henge, there was no drastic changes. Only Kakuzu's stitches were gone his eyes normal but still a bright green, he still had long brown hair. Hidan's hair was a light blonde and his eyes now a light brown. 'God let this go smoothly?' Kaylee pleaded to the heavens after that she went to answer the door. She opens the door to revile a short chubby man in a trench coat with suitcases in each hand.

"It's about time you answer the door my equipment was getting wet. I'm charging you extra if there is any water damage to my stuff." He said irritated.

"Fine, sorry about that. Come on in Moe." Kaylee huffed. He came in and notices the two men standing in front of the staircase. Kakuzu was standing to the left with his arms folded across is chess and Hidan was on the right leaning against the railing, hands in his pockets.

"Are these the illegal aliens?" he asked unimpressed of their heights or the glares.

"Yeah, so can you get them into the system?" Kaylee asked looking down at Moe.

"Of course I can they don't call me the ninja hacker for nothing. What country are these guys from?" Moe ask eyeing the guys up and down. Hidan tried to stifle his laughter.

"Ah Japan and no one has ever called you the ninja hacker Moe."

"Yea I know I'm working on a name for myself." He sighed setting the suitcases beside him.

"How about Lord Fat-ass of the Mole underworld?" Hidan laughed.

"How about I raise the bill for that insult?" Moe snapped backed.

"Like I give a flying rat's ass if you rise the-" Kakuzu elbows Hidan hard in the arm.

"That's what I thought now where should I set up?" he asked Kaylee picking up his suitcases.

"The living room would be fine; would you like anything to drink?" Kaylee asked trying to be polite.

"Yes hot cocoa would do." He said walking off into the living room. Kaylee heads back into the kitchen followed by Kakuzu and Hidan. Kakuzu stood behind Kaylee as she stood by the sink.

"How much are you paying him?" Kakuzu whispered angrily in Kaylee's ear as she poured water into the kettle.

"None of your business Kakuzu." She replied back just as angry and quiet. She didn't bother looking at him.

"You are not paying that midget anything." Kakuzu growled grabbing Kaylee and forcing her to face him after she placed the kettle on the stove.

"Look Kakuzu I need to have this done. I'm not going to let you two freeload around the house all day and destroy it while I'm at work and then except me to pay for all the damages. You guys are going to get jobs to pay me off for rent and the damages you've done to my house and in order for you to get the jobs you have to exist in the system." Kaylee said glaring up at him.

"Two fucking words. Money. Whores." Hidan said sitting on the table watching the two bicker.

"Shut up!" Kakuzu and Kaylee hissed in union at him. The kettle started to whistle and Kaylee took it off the stove pouring the boiling water into a coffee cup then added the cocoa mix. After that Kaylee walks into the living room.

"Hey Kaylee what happened to your wall?" Moe asked sitting on the couch placing his laptop on the coffee table.

"Please don't ask." Kaylee said sitting down next to him and handing him the hot cocoa.

"Right and I won't ask how you got all those wounds." He said staring at her bandage hand and taking the cup.

"Yeah you won't." she agreed. Kaylee feels the couch cushion sink in beside her, she turns to see Kakuzu sitting next to her. Hidan takes a seat in the recliner.

"What's that?" Kakuzu asked staring at the laptop. Moe and Kaylee gave him a confused look.

"Kaylee I thought you said these guys were from Japan?" Moe asked looking at Kaylee.

"They are! They're just um… farmers!" Kaylee said scratching the back of her head nervously. She's such a terrible liar.

"Yeah sure okay and it's a laptop by the way." He said rolling his eyes.

"What the hell is a lattop? Hidan asked.

"It's this and it's pronounced la**p**top you Neanderthal." Moe answered pointing at it and getting frustrated.

"Don't worry about it." Kaylee said to Hidan. You could just see the look in Hidan's eyes that he wanted to kill him luckily he maintains himself.

"Okay first things first what are they're names?" Moe asked typing away on his laptop. Kaylee's mind drew a blank. 'Oh crap I didn't think about that. Hm Kakuzu…Ka-ka-Karl? No… Ka-K-Kevin? Naw Grr I hate names Ima just go with Kyle….Kyle ahh Geed! Yea and ah um hm Hidan ohhh I know Haydn! In German it means heathen hmm but he'll hate he for that…Harold? No that reminds me of that old cartoon "Hey, Arnold!"…Jason? Wait no I hate that movie….ah! I'll just name him Bryan! Bryan…..I hate last names too…Heath…yea real creative I know but hell you try coming up with the name….'

"Kyle Geed and Bryan Heath!" Kaylee chirped somewhat proud of the names. She received odd looks from all three men. "Don't question my actions." She glared.

"Riiiight who's who?" Moe asked scooting away from Kaylee.

"Couch Kyle, Recliner Hi-Bryan." Kaylee answered staring at the laptop's screen.

"Let's start with Kyle then." Moe said cracking his knuckles. "Birthday?" he asked looking at Kakuzu.

"Nine-" "August 15 19..ah 1978, His blood type is A, height 6 feet and 1 inch weight 139 pounds." Kaylee blurted out. Kakuzu looked slightly surprised and Hidan's mouth was agape. "Anything else?" Kaylee asked ignoring the two nins.

"Yes, what state, city, address, and hospital do you want me to file in for his birth and current residence?" Moe asked still typing away on his laptop.

"Gawd, I should have thought this through before calling you over um, just put my address in and the nearest hospital." Kaylee said sitting back into the couch.

"Gotcha. Now what about him?" Moe asked pointing towards Hidan. Hidan looks at Kaylee skeptical.

"Hmmm April 2, 19-19 -1987, blood type B, height um…" Kaylee paused.

"5 feet 8 inches Ama and I weigh 125 pounds." Hidan finishes.

"Ama? What's that mean?" Moe asked Kaylee.

"What did I say about asking!?" Kaylee said irritated.

"Fine be that way, same address?" He asked continuing with his work.

"For current residence of course, but birth-wise… different city and hospital." She answered. After moments of typing he was done. He had birth certificates printing out of his portable printer. He sets them aside while looking to Kaylee.

"Anything else?" he asked taking a sip of his cocoa.

"Oh and can you put on Kak-Kyle's profile that he has a Master Degree in Accounting and Bryan as a priest and and can you put that SUV that's in my driveway in Kyle's name?" Kaylee asked looking over Moe's shoulder throwing the car's registration card on top of the keyboard.

"Yea yeah." He types more blah blah blah… "Okay job is done." He said sitting up from his crouch position. He manages to create State IDs, a new title for the SUV, Diplomas and Degrees.

"Great how much do I owe you?" Kaylee asked he whispers the amount in her ear. "Okay be right back." She said getting up and taking off to go upstairs to her room. Leaving the three men alone in the living room….

Kaylee comes back down. "Okay I got…the…cash…WHAT THE HELL. I LEAVE GUYS ALONE FOR TWO MINTUTES AND YOU KILL THE GUY!" Kaylee yell infuriated seeing Moe and Hidan on the floor bleeding all over the floor.

"It was Kakuzu's idea! Plus I needed a sacrifice for Jashin since I didn't kill you this morning." Hidan defended sitting up blood all over his chest.

"Why!?" Kakuzu why!?" Kaylee cried. Kakuzu didn't answer; he just sat there staring at the cash in her hand. She soon notices what he was staring at. "You greedy-son-of-a-bitch. It's my money!"

"He finished his job he was no longer needed." Kakuzu deadpanned and walked out of the living room and into the kitchen.

"You guys are horrible you know that? I'm-I'm going to bed." Kaylee had stutter furiously walking toward the stairs.

"But it's fucking 1 o'clock in the afternoon." Hidan said.

"So?" Death was something she'll never be able to handle; it was all too much for her to take in. She needed rest.

"You sleep too fucking much."


	10. Shopping

**A/N: Enjoy**

* * *

Kaylee lay upon her bed staring at the ceiling.

"What am I going to do with these guys?" She asked herself rubbing her eyes. Kaylee stares at her dirty bandage hand and huffs. "I should change the bandage." She said getting up and heading to the bathroom. She stops at the bathroom entrance to see Hidan cleaning himself off in front of the mirror. He senses her presence and looks her way.

"What the fuck you want Ama?" he asked looking at her quizzically. She raises her bandaged hand.

"Bandages." She stated walking into the bathroom.

"I can't believe you don't know how to use a knife." Hidan stated flatly returning his attention to the mirror all the while poking his wound.

"Oh shut up I didn't come in here to get ridiculed." Kaylee glared then started going through the cabinet. "Where the hell are the bandages?" Kaylee asked still going through the cabinet.

"Does it look like I'm the one to use fucking bandages?" Hidan answered her with another question. Kaylee looks at the wound on his abdominal which was still bleeding.

"Yes how else would you address your wounds?" Kaylee asked crouching down to look underneath the sink.

"I don't I heal fast enough where I don't need to tend to them." Hidan wipes the blood off his abdominal it's no longer bleeding; only thing left to the wound is a little scar.

"Oh like Wolverine." Kaylee said standing up and looking at his bare stomach.

"What?" Hidan gave her a confused look.

"Never mind…I ma gonna hafta get me sa'more bandages" Kaylee said in a weird way.

"What?" Hidan now looks at her as if she is insane.

"I'm. Going. To. The. Store." Kaylee said slowly and slightly irritated. She headed out of the bathroom, to the hallway and down the stairs.

"Hey! Wait! You never bought me my gel." Hidan yelled now following her.

"That's because you took off to kill those girls." Kaylee said aggravated walking into the living room she looks at the shatter phone that was still lying on the ground. 'I'm going to have to buy a new phone too.' She then walks into the kitchen. "Where's Kakuzu?" She asked turning around to look at the zealot.

"Getting rid of the body." He said bluntly. "So are you taking us with you?" he questioned.

"Ha. Take you guys? Shopping? Ha! No…" She finished sternly.

"Why the hell not?" Hidan asked brows narrowing.

"Because taking you two to the mall would be like taking two four year olds. I would have to keep a good eye on you and you'll be bugging and asking me stuff every two minutes. So na-uh, no way, nope." Kaylee said turning around to bump into a firm chest. She falls back onto her ass and looks up to see Kakuzu staring down at her.

"Where the hell did you come from?" Kaylee asked getting up and brushing off the non-existent dust off her rump. He holds up a pair of keys in front of her which appeared to be rusty but with a closer look it was dried blood. "Ew...I don't want to know anymore." Kaylee said backing up.

"Well you did ask for the keys this morning." He said dryly dropping the keys on the table.

"Ay, Hey! Get those keys off the dinner table I eat off of that!" She rushes over to the table and picks up the keys. "Ew, ew ,ew ,ew." She drops the keys into the sink.

"What the hell is your problem? It's just fucking blood." Hidan said watching her scrub her hands clean.

"AIDS and a whole lot of other diseases. That's my problem." Kaylee answered she pulled some yellow rubber gloves from under the sink also grabbing a sponge and started scrubbing away at the keys.

"Pansy."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

"Why don't you two just shut the hell up?"

"Why don't you two get the hell out of my house?"

"Why don't you two convert to Jashin?

"I am so out of here." Kaylee stated walking out the front door with clean keys in hand and for the hell of it Kakuzu and Hidan followed.

"You guys are not coming with." Kaylee said standing in front of the silver SUV crossing her arms.

"The hell we aren't. We've been cooped up in that house for two fucking days." Hidan bitched.

"You're not leaving without us." Kakuzu commanded.

"Fine, whateve hop on in." Kaylee huffed opening the driver's door. The two nins just stare at her. "You got to be kidding me do I have to open the fucking doors for you two?" Kaylee didn't wait for an answer she walked over to the other side and opened the doors.

After minutes of driving they made it to the mall.

Kaylee parked the SUV by a parking meter.

"What's that?" Kakuzu asked pointing at the parking meter.

"A parking meter." She answered.

"Why is there a picture of coins on it?"

"It's just to show what coins you can dispense in it."

"You're saying you have to pay to park here?"

"Yes." Kaylee had no idea where this was going.

"You're not parking here."

"Excuse me?"

"You. Are. Not. Parking. Here."

"The hell I ain't it's closest and cheapest to the mall."

"The hell you are if it costs money."

"Ain't."

"Are."

"Ain't."

"Are and that's final!"

"Then it's settled we are parking here."

"What the hell I'm fucking confused now."

"I won." Kaylee filled Hidan in.

"Shut up, we're not parking here!" Kakuzu yelled.

"I am not walking extra blocks just cause you don't want me to spend extra bucks."

"Lazy." Hidan scoffed

"Lazy and proud." Kaylee countered

"That's just sad." Kakuzu comment.

"You know what? The hell with you guys." Kaylee said aggravated she unbuckle her seat belt and opened the door.

"Where you think your going?! You're not parking here." Kakuzu grab her by the back of her collar and pull her back into the SUV. Kaylee's face was now only inches from his. "Find. A. Free. Spot." Kakuzu said in a low and dangerous tone.

"Y-ye-yes s-sa-sir." Kaylee stuttered and turns the vehicle on.

So…after minutes of looking for a free parking spot they headed to the mall which was 15 blocks away.

"I can't believe I listened to you now we have to walk like 15 blocks!"

"Would you just shut up before I kill you? I swear you're like Hidan's twin."

"Oy don't compare me to her seriously, that's just fucked up."

"You're the ones that are twins here. Zombie twins to speak in matter of fact."

"Do I fucking look like the kind guy to eat fucking brains!?"

"Yeah that reminds me of the guy from Silence of the Lambs. He had white hair and he ate someone's brain!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"A movie…I saw…well partially saw and that was the part where he took the top part of the guys head off yeah." Kaylee twitches.

"Okay…You're fucking weird."

15 blocks later

"Holyshit it's just as crowded as that freak show we were at." Hidan said scanning the place as they entered the mall. Kaylee smacked her face, hard.

"Hidan." Kaylee growled. "It wasn't a freak show it was a convention." Kaylee said irritated walking through the crowd.

"Fine a freak convention seriously why so many people?" Hidan asked squeezing pass people to follow Kaylee.

"Because people like to shop around it's a common thing to do." Kaylee answered.

"You hear that Kakuzu? You should try it some fucking time." Hidan said looking back but stops. "Kakuzu?" Hidan called out as to not seeing the old miser following behind. "Where the fuck did he go?" Kaylee stops walking and looks back seeing that Hidan is talking to himself.

"You got to be effin kidding me we lost him again!?" Kaylee asked walking up to Hidan. "How the hell are we supposed to find him now?" Kaylee started panicking and looking in all different directions.

"Ama." Hidan called trying to get her attention.

"He's using henge he's going to be hard to find!" Kaylee said pulling at her hair.

"Ama." Hidan called again getting annoyed.

"It'll be hours til we find him because this mall is so huge!" Kaylee paced back and forth in front of Hidan.

"AMA!" Hidan yelled grabbing Kaylee by her hair to stop her from pacing.

"Ow, ow, ow, let go." Kaylee cried in pain, he lets go. "What was that for?" she whined rubbing her head now.

"To get your fucking attention damn it. I can sense his chakra signature don't get your panties in a bunch" Hidan said annoyed, he then stalks off into a different direction they were heading.

"Hey how come you didn't do that when you lost him at the convention?" Kaylee asked thinking back on that day when he asked her to help him find Kakuzu.

"Because he wasn't using any chakra, dumbass." He retorted.

"I am so sick and tired of you calling me names it's annoying."

"You're annoying."

"Well you're more annoying."

"Tch is that the best you got Ama?"

"I know what you are, but what am I?"

"A bitch."

"I know what you are, but what am I?"

"A whore!"

"I know what you are, but what am I?"

"Dead!" Hidan starts chasing Kaylee through the crowds of people.

Meanwhile…

"Aren't you too old to be reading comic books mister?" a little eight year old asked the man who was looking through a manga. That man was Kakuzu he had walked into a bookstore and spotted the new Naruto manga. "Mister. Hey, Mister?" The kid was really grating on his nerves. "Mister aren't you-"

"Bug off kid before your mommy finds you lying on the floor." Kakuzu threatened not taking his eyes from the book.

"Why would I be laying on the floor?" the kid asked innocently not taking in the malice in Kakuzu voice.

"Because you'd be dead." Kakuzu said through gritted teeth.

"Why would I be dead?" surely the was the kid was just plain stupid.

"Because I'm about to snap your neck in half." Kakuzu growled placing the book back on the shelf and taking a step towards the kid.

"Ahhh mommy, mommy!" the kid ran off screaming.

"Hmfph stupid kid." Kakuzu murmured walking out of the store. "Now to find the two idiots." As he said that, Kaylee rushes pass him with fear planted on her face. Seeing this scenario before and knows what's coming next Kakuzu sticks his foot out. Hidan goes flying into a random stand which merchandise was glitter and sparkly stuff. Kaylee stops when she heard the crash and looks back to see a now sparkling Hidan.

"I knew it!" Kaylee exclaimed. "You're not Hidan you're Edward Cullen!" Kaylee laughed. Kakuzu and Hidan gave her odd looks. "You guys seriously suck." Kaylee pouted sense they didn't get the joke.

"I fucking hate you." Hidan scowled brushing off the sparkly stuff. Luckily the salesperson was out on a late lunch otherwise they would have gotten kicked out in a heartbeat.

"Come on we got to finish our shopping before we get caught." Kaylee said walking away from the scene Kakuzu and Hidan followed in suit. Kaylee lead the way into an electronic shop.

"Are those TVs?" Hidan asked staring at the LCD and plasma screens.

"Yeah." Kaylee replied looking for the phone section.

"How the hell are they so flat?"

"We have more advanced technology, ah there they are." Kaylee said heading off to where the phones were. "Hmm which one should I get?" she asked no one in general looking at the selection before her.

"The cheapest one, you don't need to spend so much money on something so useless." Kakuzu said from behind looking at the prices.

"How about you ignore the cheapskate and buy the most expensive thing here."

"Shut it she wasn't asking you dumbass."

"Rot in hell Kakuzu."

"Ladies first Hidan."

"Forget that I asked." Kaylee deadpanned. Their little quarrel lasted for two hours (Kaylee could not decide on a phone) before they got kicked out of the store. Another 5 hours (she had to buy more than just bandages such as bleach, plaster for the wall, a whole lot of paper towels and et cetera) of shopping and arguing they finally manage to get out of the mall.

"I'm never evereverever ever! Taking you two! To any ANY type of store EVER again." Kaylee screamed furiously stomping out of the mall carrying all of her shopping bags since Kakuzu and Hidan were such gentlemen.

"Oi what's her fucking problem?" Hidan asked Kakuzu.

"Beats me." Kakuzu shrugged.

"You want to know what my fucking problem is ay? I'll tell you, it's you guys… you embarrassed me in front of a lot of people. You wasted my daytime arguing over the stupidest little things. Now it's fucking dark out and I have the vaguest idea where I parked the car at cause somebody didn't want to park at a certain parking spot." Kaylee ranted.

"Kaylee stop." Kakuzu discontinued walking and so did Hidan.

"What?" Kaylee stops walking and turns around to face them. Kakuzu and Hidan exchange glances. Hidan slowly pulls out his pike.

"Hidan wah-what are" Kaylee begins to stutter but is interrupted.

"Looks like we're gonna have some fun tonight, boys." a voice from behind Kaylee crackled. She slowly turns around.

"Oh shit." Kaylee murmurs.


	11. Shits and Giggles

**A/N: Hey guys here's another chap though it's a bit fast pace I hope you enjoy it! If ya see any mistakes feel free to point them out or if the characters are OOC or even Mary Sue just let me know. Thanks for the reviews, favorites and alerts I really appreciate them and I want say a special thanks to Lady Arachne who had reviewed every chap in the last couple of days it's what got me motivated to post this up sooner than usual. Thanks again!**

* * *

Kaylee turns around to see men in yellow baggy clothes gathering around them. There was a man that wore the brightest yellow of the group who seem to be the leader.

"This our territory bitch you's trespassin. "

"Look guys we don't want any trouble especially me." Kaylee put her hands up defensive to what seem to be the leader of the gang. There were about 10 of them if not more in the shadows. The members where holding bats, knives, and crowbars.

"The hell we don't! I want all the fucking action we can get! Come on you fucking heathens bring it on!" Hidan yelled taking a step ahead of Kaylee while swirling his pike around smiling from ear to ear.

"Hidan!" Kaylee pleaded.

"They don't look at all like a challenge. I wonder if they got any bounties on them." Kakuzu said coolly greens eyes surveying the gang members as well as walking up to Kaylee's side.

"Kakuzu!" she cried looking up at him. "For crying out loud guys I want to avoid this." She screams throwing her arms down at her sides.

"You pansies think you can take us all on?" the gang leader asked smugly.

"Fuck yeah Jashin-sama will be delighted to have a bunch of sacrifices!" Hidan grinned mischievously.

"No! Lies! What he says is all lies!" Kaylee cried.

"How did I get stuck with such idiots?" Kakuzu deadpanned.

"Well you heard them boys. Show them the beating of their life time." The gang leader smirked. Kaylee just about peed herself when she saw the malice in Kakuzu's eyes. All the gang members start rushing in on them.

"Shit." Kaylee grumbles. One member charges at her with a bat. Kaylee froze in fear and also drops her bags 'shit shit shit shit shitshitshitshit shit!' was all that she could think of. She closed her eyes and raised her arms above her to protect her head from impact and before she realizes it there was a jolt of severe pain in both her forearms. Kaylee falls back on her bum and lets out an oomph. She looks up to see the batter about to swing at her again.

"Ama you're a pathetic piece of shit, you know that." Hidan said while stabbing the batter from behind. The guy drops down to his knees and croaks. Kaylee sheepishly looks down at the concrete ground before seeing blood pooling towards her from the body. She quickly gets up and steps back.

"Bastard!" yelled a man charging at Hidan from behind with a knife.

"Hidan!" Kaylee screamed. Hidan doesn't bother to move and the guy stabs him in the back causing his henge to wear off.

"Dumbass." Hidan scoffed stabbing himself in the stomach along with the guy behind him.

"What da fuck is you?" the man asked from behind Hidan his voice barely audible.

"I'm Jashin's loyal servant and you're his sacrifice." Hidan said in a dead tone pulling the pike out and licking it. "Bwuahahahaha." He laughs and he continues his ritual. Kaylee takes a couple steps back and bumps into someone. She tries turning around with her heart racing but before she could react she was thrown to the ground and with enough force collided into a building. Nearly having the wind knocked out of her, she looks at her attacker.

"Kakuzu?" Kaylee asked confused, though the confusedness soon turned into anger. "What the hell was that for?!" She screamed.

"You're in my way." Kakuzu simply stated finishing off the leader with great ease.

"Well excuse me!" Kaylee started but stop when she heard sirens blaring. "oh my gawd how did they find out so fast!?"

"hehehe."

Kakuzu and Kaylee looked at each other then the direction the giggle came from which was a dark alley.

"Show yourself!" Kaylee yelled slowly getting up.

"ahehehehe." the giggle is more distant and the sirens are blaring even louder.

"Shit we gotta go." Kaylee said looking in all different directions for where the sirens are coming from. Kakuzu takes his eyes from the alley to Kaylee.

"Why?"

"Because the cops are coming?"

Kakuzu gives Kaylee a blank stare.

"The police?"

Still blank.

"For fuck sake's the law-enforcers, the guys who want to put bad guys like you in jail!"

"Hmfph."

"Don't hmfph me mister we are going now!

"Who do you think you're talking too?" Kakuzu growled.

"A jackass, but seriously we got to go…like right now." Kaylee looks in a different direction while Kakuzu's hand turns dark. "Where's Hidan at oh snap." Kaylee ducks as a flying fist crashes into the wall behind her causing it to crumble.

"Watch what you say or you'll die." He threatens having the arm retract back to him. Kaylee just gave him a deadpanned look.

*wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo*

"Let's hightail it out of here guys." Kaylee said jumping over the dead bodies but trips over one and falls in on her face.

"Ow." Kaylee said while lying on her stomach.

"Watch it I'm fucking doing a ritual here." said the body she tripped over.

"Hidan! There's no time for that lets go!" Kaylee yelled slowly getting up. 'I am so taking a bubble bath when we get home or if we get home.'

"Fuck you."

"Kakuuuzuuu get Hidan to move." Kaylee pout/whined.

*WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO*

"NOW!"

"Fine you're carrying the head though."

"WhaAH!" Kaylee shrieks as she looks down at what was shoved in her hands.

"Kakuzu you fucking heathen! Put me down Ama!" Hidan's head yelled. Kaylee complied and drops him on his…head.

"You stupid ass I said put me down not drop me!"

"Sorry I'm still adjusting to the gore and you being headless and the blood and everything else that you guys do and."

*WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO*

Down the street were red and blue lights flashing.

"were outta here!" Kaylee grabs Hidan's head and places him in her bags then dashes off into an alley with Kakuzu not too far behind with Hidan's body. The moment they turned the corner of the alley the SUV came into view.

"IT'S A MIRICALE!" Kaylee runs to the SUV. She tosses the bags into the backseat next to Hidan's body and slams on the gas pedal. She speeds all the way home making sharp turns and driving though small tight alleys.

Kaylee makes a sharp turn and parks the SUV in the driveway. She sits there in the driver's seat hands tight on the wheel eyes wide staring off into the dark space. Kakuzu had both hands on the dashboard eyes also wide, mouth slightly a gap. He slowly shifted his green eyes to the left, looking at Kaylee. She lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding and looks up at Kakuzu.

"Never. Again." He stated glaring at her.

"Right heh." She slightly chuckled releasing the steering wheel. "Right." Kaylee repeated thoughtfully. They sat there for a moment in silence till some muffling was heard from the backseat.

"Think it's time to go in." Kaylee said half-heartedly.

Later on…

Kaylee sat there on the couch jaw hanging, eyes wide at the TV.

News Lady: ...finding four dead bodies at night in your backyard would be terribly frightening Bob. Who could do such a thing?

Bob: A cold and heartless person, Susan.

Susan: And has the victims been identified yet?

Bob: As far as the police have reported the four victims have yet to be identified.

Susan: Such sad news. So Bob when you want to hook up?

Bob: No time soon Susan. Also 17 gang members were brutally killed tonight. We'll have more information on that after this commercial break.

"YOU BURIED THE BODIES IN SOMEONE'S BACKYARD!?" Kaylee screeched at the guys. Kakuzu was sitting next to her on the couch rubbing his forehead a migraine was developing. Hidan sitting in the recliner wiggled his pinky around in his ear, pulls it out and flicks the earwax in Kakuzu's direction.

"Well fuck, where the hell else were we suppose to put them." Hidan replied nonchalant and was now examining his pinky for any leftover wax then wiping it on the recliner.

"I don't know in a dumpster maybe I don't go fucking killing everybody in effin sight!"

"Like we know where all the dumpsters are." Hidan rolled his eyes sitting back into the recliner.

"For fuck sakes. Now they going to use forensics and track back to me! And I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Forensics?" Kakuzu repeated as if thinking about the word.

"Yes DNA, fingerprints, anything, even a little strand of fabric can lead them to here!" Kaylee said getting up and turning off the TV.

"Tch, yeah right." Hidan waved off.

"From now on, no more killing!" Kaylee waved her bandaged arms as if an empire at a baseball game saying safe. Kakuzu and Hidan just stared at her for a minute then burst out laughing. She watches the two in awe having witness two s-rank criminals laughing. They stop laughing after a while.

"You think we're going to fucking listen to you?" Hidan said standing up taking a step towards Kaylee.

"You should be grateful we're letting you even live." Kakuzu added still sitting down on the couch.

"Psh you guys wouldn't know what to do next if you did kill me." Kaylee said looking up at Hidan, crossing her arms over her chest.

"How about we kill you and find out." Hidan glared getting real close for Kaylee's comfort.

"How about this." Kaylee kicks him where the sun doesn't shine. She waits for a reaction and he gives her a deadpan look. 'doh he's probably been through more painful stuff" . Kaylee tries running off but is grabbed by her hair.

"You are so dead Ama." Hidan said with a wicked smile. He pulls out his pike and….

*ding-dong*

And she gets saved by the bell. Hidan slumps his shoulders letting go of her hair and Kaylee rushes to the door. She fixes her hair before opening the door.

"You still look like crap." Hidan pointed out sitting back into recliner. Kaylee in annoyance flipped him off.

'Please don't be the cops please don't be the cops please oh please don't let it be them.' She chanted in her head. She opens the door to darkness. 'This is odd no-

"No one's out here..." came Kakuzu's voice from behind, startling Kaylee and causing her to jump outside. At the corner of her eye she catches a shadow moving. Kaylee turns to the shadow and it suddenly disappears behind the side of the house. Without even thinking she follows after it with Kakuzu not too far. Hidan watch the two run out of the doorway.

"Where the hell are those two running off to?" Hidan slowly got up from the recliner and headed to the door.

Kakuzu and Kaylee raced around the corner then stopped when encountered with a fence and several large bushes. There was a rustle in the bush that caught their attention. Kaylee grinned.

"Got you cornered bastard." Kaylee starts running towards the bush while Kakuzu stays where he's at. "You think you can play ding dong ditch and get away with it you're so wrong." Kaylee moves a branch from the bush and stops dead in her tracks. Before her stood a small little creature with black beady eyes and what stuck out the most was its white stripes on its back. Kaylee's right eye twitch as the scared little critter sprays her with its fouled stench and then scatters off through the small fence hole.

"Damn…me…" Kaylee let out slowly through gritted teeth. Then out of nowhere there was a fit of giggles that sounded like the giggles from earlier but they soon stop when Hidan came out.

"Hey what the fa- holy Jashin what is that smell?" he sneered plugging his nose quickly. Kakuzu slowly points to Kaylee. Hidan looks over to her. "Why the fuck are you taking a dump out here Ama." She glares hard at Hidan.

"I am not taking a dump. I got sprayed by a freakin skunk."

"Riiiiiight that's the reason you're sitting in a bush and smelling like shit."

"It was a skunk! Right Kakuzu you saw it? Right?"

"I saw you make a face like you shit your pants. That's about it." Kakuzu said looking in a different direction.

"How could you have not seen the skunk!? Kaylee semi-screeched.

"I was looking for where the giggles were coming from." He looks back at her seriously.

"Bah" She gets up and starts heading towards the guys they take steps back with their noses plugged. "Awe no hugs? Come on just one?" Kaylee runs after them and they disappear in a blink of an eye. "You don't know what you're missing out on!" She called out to them. Kaylee smells herself and her nose wrinkles. "and I have work tomorrow yay me." She huffs.

* * *

**PS: Kaylee seems to become pro at avoiding death but not trouble!**


	12. You're An Outlandish Idiot!

**A/N: Here's another! Don't take this chap too seriously it's a short one... it's a filler actually just like the show! Thanks again for the reviews I love them! Enjoy!**

* * *

A couple weeks have past by since the skunk incident and there has been a lot of conflict.

Anyways Kaylee was at work enjoying her freedom from the guys while they were stuck at her house. Kakuzu was lounging on a couch reading a magazine while Hidan was taking a very long shower.

Kakuzu licks his index finger and turns to the next page. The book was getting really boring so he tosses it on the table and turns on the TV to watch the news. Just when he was about to rest his feet on the table to get more comfortable the doorbell rang. Kakuzu looked at the front door in annoyance.

*Ding-Dong*

It ranged again…

"Did she forget her fucking key again?" Hidan yelled from the shower. Kakuzu ignores him and looks at the clock in the living room.

"She's home early." He murmurs to himself. Kakuzu opens the door to find a dark tan lady in blue clothing standing in front of him holding a clipboard in one hand and a package in the other.

"What the hell you want?" Kakuzu glared.

"Good afternoon sir! Does a Kaylee James reside here?" She asked with a big huge grin. He just wanted to strangle her because of the stupid grin plastered on her face.

"Why?" Kakuzu asked her suspiciously.

"I have a package to deliver to her." She said still smiling.

"She's not here. Now go away." He was about to close the door on her but she shoved the clipboard into his hands.

"She lives here great! Sign here please." She chirped still smiling. Kakuzu glared at her to go away but it didn't work. "Sign sir so I can get on with my life." The lady then shoved a pen in his face. Kakuzu glared at the pen then at her again.

"Is this going cost anything?" He asked eyeing her suspiciously grabbing the pen.

"No sir it has already been paid for." She smiles.

"Then why do I have to sign?"

"To confirm, that the package had been successfully delivered."

"Is there a catch to this?" he asked looking over the paper on the clipboard.

"No sir just sign."

"And what if I don't?"

"Then I'll back here tomorrow." Her smile widens.

"…"

"Sign please."

"If I ever see you again I'll kill you." He warned as he signed the papers.

"That's nice to know.." he hands her the clipboard. "Thank you sir!" she hands him the package. Before she can say 'Have a nice day.' He slams the door in her face.

"Dickwad." She says walking off the porch. The lady looks down at her clipboard reads the signature and lets out an infuriating scream. Kakuzu hearing the scream slightly smirks to himself. He walks back into the living room tosses the package onto the table and flops down onto the couch. Turning the TV off Kakuzu takes his attention to the small brown package deciding whether to open it or not. He leans forward, grabs it and sits back into the couch reading the handwriting that was on the front of it. Here is what was written:

To: Kaylee James

42446 Naya Ave.

Effinville, BZ 43289 USA

From: Yama Slotz

323 Waka

Laka Ka 3342 Japan

"Yama Slotz? Japan?" Kakuzu reads out loud then he remembers that the Naruto manga was from Japan. He has read every single one that Kaylee has own. "Maybe it's the latest one." He said to himself staring at its rectangular form. Kakuzu looks around before tearing open the package. He pulls out a small book; on the cover were Hidan and him. A small piece of paper then slides out of the package and onto the floor. He sets the book on his lap and picks up the paper. It was a small note he reads it to himself.

'Moshimoshi Kaylee! This is the latest manga in Japan of them. hope you enjoy it as much as I did *wink* *wink*. P.S. I translated for you! Sayoonara ~ Yama.' "...wink wink? What the heck is that suppose to mean." Kakuzu crumbles up the paper and throws it over his shoulder. He stares down at the book not sure if he wants to read it anymore. The only way Kaylee could possibly enjoy this manga of them two is if she were a sadist and Kakuzu full well knows she isn't one. As he was about to open it to the first page, along comes Hidan taking the book from Kakuzu's grasp.

"What the fuck is this?" Hidan asked looking at the cover while rubbing his hair with a towel. He didn't wait for an answer and opens up the book. His face turns beat red and throws the book onto the floor. "YOU FUCKING GAY ASS PERVERTED HEATHEN YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY IN JASHIN'S NAME YOU WILL FUCKING BURN." Hidan yells at Kakuzu and in fit of fury he runs up stairs. Kakuzu with eyes wide slowly looks down at the book on the ground. He gets up and goes for the book.

"Idiot." He murmurs and narrows his eyes at the book. Kakuzu opens it up looking at its contents his eyes widen again then twitch.

*ding-dong ding-dong*

He looks at the time then heads to the door with the book in hand. Unlocks its and there she was.

"You guys need to stop locking the door!" Kaylee whined Kakuzu slams the door on her. Kaylee blinks a few times before she realizes what happened. "Hey! Let me in! I don't want to stay out here all day!" She yelled pounding on the door. -click- "Yay!" Kaylee opens the door and walks in then was suddenly slammed against the wall by Kakuzu. "Ahh!" Kaylee yelped.

"What is this?" he asked furiously shoving the book in her face. She looks at the book her eyes widen.

"Oh my gawd! She sent me the new kakuhidan manga!" Kaylee said gleefully. She looks from the book to Kakuzu's death glare then back to the book. "Oh my gawd! She sent me the new kakuhidan manga!" Kaylee screamed this time terrified.

"You read this shit?" He growled.

"Um..no." She avoids his gaze.

"You're lying." He snarled.

"No I'm not!" Kaylee yells looking pass him to see Hidan walking down the stairs with a huge pot over his head. "What the hell?" she whispered. Before Kakuzu could turn around Hidan pours hot streaming water on the both of them.

"Repent!" Hidan yells.

"Hidan! You idiot!" Kakuzu and Kaylee screamed in unison.

"Fucking faggot." He sneered. Kakuzu turned around and punched him in the face sending Hidan back into the stairs.

"Idiot this book isn't mine. It's Kaylee's." Kakuzu said angry pointing with the wet book towards her. She stares at the book and frowns.

"Now I won't be able to read it." Kaylee mumbles.

"Ama you fucked up freak." Hidan was utterly disgusted.

"Oh come on it's not that bad I could be reading worse. People write about you getting Mpreg and having kids and stuff Hidan. They also draw you guys pregnant and the opposite gender. Always making Kakuzu seme. Though your fan base isn't as big as Deidara's and Sasori's or Kisame's and Itachi's. They do worse to those guys." She said while wringing out the water of her shirt. "Plus I haven't been reading any of that stuff since you guys came home with me. In fact I haven't been able to go on the net at all cause I have to constantly watch you guys. My online friends probably think I'm dead or something." Kaylee babbled off the guys just sat there twitching. "So yea, I 'ma go change into dryer clothes now." She was getting very uncomfortable from the silence that was emitting from them. "See yea!"


	13. Chu

**A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews I love'em! I also enjoy seeing the favorites and alerts but not as much at the reviews :P Here's another chap! Enjoy if you will!**

* * *

"Ah-chuu!"

"Kaylee, why don't you take the rest of the week off? Looks like you caught a serious cold." Voiced a concerned co-worker of hers.

"Nah I'm fine I can work like this." Kaylee replied groggily "Ah ah, Ah-CHUU!" she sneezes uncontrollably followed by sniffles.

"Well the rest of us can't afford to catch a cold. You should really go home and rest Kay."

"Noh, I don't want to go home to that hell hold. Ever since last week when those two got a hold of my book, Hi-Bryan has been –sniffles- chasing me around the house and pouring hot water on me while I'm a sleep and Ka-Kyle just ah ah-chuu –sniffles-! I feel like shit." Kaylees gives up talking and bangs her head on her desk. "I'll go home." She mumbles into her desk.

-At Home-

Kaylee just stood there on her porch staring at the front door. She really didn't want to have to deal with them. She didn't want to deal with Kakuzu scolding her about coming home early or hear Hidan telling her how much of a heathen she is. Why the hell were these two her favorite characters anyways? She had forgotten the reason. Her eyes rest upon the door knob contemplating whether to go in or run away and join the circus.

"AH-CHUU!" she sneezes loudly. Foot-steps were heard from the inside. "shit." Kaylee turns around to run and hears the door click open.

"Why are you back so early?" sounded Kakuzu's rough voice from behind.

"Shick." Kaylee grumbled turning around she rubs her nose. "Thay din't wont meh'ere." She sounded so stuff up that you could barely understand her.

"Pitiful." Kakuzu said disgusted.

"Oh sha hup." Kaylee pushed her way pass him a headache was forming and she just wanted to sleep. She looks up to see Hidan on the stairs blocking her path to bed.

"Moooove." She groaned.

"Why the fuck should I?" he questioned.

"Baycause I'll puke on you if yah don't fucktard."

"Aw is Ama sick?" He said mockingly.

"Ugh I am sweeping on the couch den –sniffles-." Kaylee sluggishly walks into the living room, flops on the couch and lets out a groan. Both men stand at the living room entrance staring at her.

"Can yah be any more boring?" Hidan stalks off. Kakuzu takes a seat on the arm of the couch staring down at Kaylee.

"ehhmmmm." she groans into the pillow. "-cough- -cough- A'CHUU. Rate –sniffles- 'ow I got ah cough. Hey Kazu can you do meh a fayher?" Kaylee slurred her words.

"…" Kakuzu shifts slightly on the couch's arm.

"Can ou get me ah blanket wease." She mumbles some more then dozes off not waiting for a reply. Kakuzu walks out of the living room and up the stairs.

A couple hours later..

-cough- -cough- -hackle- -cough-

"Argh her coughing is driving me insane! I just want to cut her throat!" Hidan said frustrated rubbing his temples and glaring hard at Kakuzu who was sitting across from him at the kitchen table. Kakuzu shook his head no, rubbing his own temples.

-cough- -hackle- -hackle- -cough- -cough-

"Can I at least put a plastic bag over her head?" Hidan pleaded.

"No Hidan." Kakuzu said annoyed.

"A'chuu!" the sneeze sounded close. Hidan turns around in his seat to see Kaylee with a blanket over her shoulders standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

"What the fuck you want?" Hidan sneered.

"Hi'mungry." Kaylee mumbled. "chuu!" she sneezes.

"Why don't you take some fucking medicine or something? Seriously that shit is annoying."

"Good eh-eh- ah'chuuuu –sniffles- it's annoying you. It's your fault I have this cold." Kaylee rubs her nose and walks towards the fridge but Kakuzu gets up blocking her path. "ngh moove."

"You're not contaminating our food." Kakuzu said gruffly crossing his arms.

"buti'mhungreeeee."

"Just go to bed."

"Not til I eat something."

"Now!"

"uugh fine I'll just order take-out…"

"Whatever." Hidan waved her off.

15 minutes later…

*ding-dong*

"Woo food." Kaylee slowly gets up off the couch n heads towards the door. She opens the door and much to her disappointment it wasn't her food. She eyes the dark tan lady in blue up and down. "You're not food." Kaylee glared.

"And you're not Brad Pitt. Sign this." The lady shoves the clipboard into her hands.

"It's not food –sniff-."

"Of course it's not! Sign it!"

"I –cough- don't want it."

"For Pete's Sake! Sign it!"

"What is your problem lady –cough-?"

"What's your guys' problem with signing things!?"

"Well fuck –sniffs- I don't know what I'm signing for!"

"This!"

"Is there food in that package –sniff-?"

"Why don't you sign this paper and find out?"

"-cough- Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because I don't know! I'm just delivering!"

"Yeesh stop yelling you're making my headache worse."

"WELL STOP BEING SUCH AN IDIOT!"

"HOW BOUT YOU STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH!" Kaylee slams the door on the lady and rubs the bottom of her nose

.

"What the hell's going on?" Kakuzu came out from the kitchen all grumpy.

*knock-knock*

"I told you lady if it ain't foo- Who the heck are you?"

"I am the lady's manager if you don't sign this I'll have the cops up here for threatening and harassing my employee."

"I didn't threaten -sniffles-."

"Last time she was here, she was threatened."

"Well I wasn't here last time."

"He was." The man pointed towards Kakuzu who was standing right behind Kaylee. "Mr…" he looks down at a paper. "Rot in hell for all eternity."

Kaylee slaps herself in the face and looks at Kakuzu in the corner of her eye.

"Ugh fine gimmie the damn thing." Kaylee rips the clipboard out of his hand, signs it, shoves it back into his hands, grabs the package from him and slams the door. "I hate it when they do that." She looks down at the package and twitches "It's from my mom…here." She shoves the package into Kakuzu's hands.

"Ah' chuu!"

"What's in it?" Hidan ask walking up.

"Probably medicine for some reason she always knows when I'm sick. She claims to have physic powers but I think she has hidden cameras in this house. Just throw it out." Kaylee flopped on the couch.

"Oh hell no you're taking this." Hidan grabs the package from Kakuzu's hands and rips it open, it was indeed medicine. He started heading towards her.

"Dude you better back off with that medicine." Kaylee warned getting up and using the coffee table to keep the distance. He kept getting closer. "ah'chuu!"

"I've had it with your cold I'm shoving this shit down your throat."

"I'm warning you! You get any closer and I'm a roundhouse your ass." Kaylee made an empty threat. He jumps over the table. "I ain't taking that shit!" She hops on the couch then springs over the armrest and zips by Kakuzu to the stairs.

"Kakuzu grab her!" Hidan yelled chasing after her. Kakuzu sends a tendril after Kaylee wrapping it around her foot thus causing her to trip onto the stairs. Without thinking she brings up her leg biting off the tendril and hightails it up the stairs into her bedroom, leaving Kakuzu twitching.

"Did she just? What the fuck? It's just medicine Jashin damn it!" Hidan runs up the stairs. He tries opening her door but it wouldn't budge. Hidan could hear her wheezing and hacking up a fit behind the door. He tried kicking it down though it still wouldn't budge. "What the fuck do you have in front of the door?"

"Me and I have it locked dumbass…–cough-."

"…Kakuzu."

"ah'chuu!"

Kakuzu slides his tendril into the doorknob's keyhole.

*click*

"shit." Kaylee tries her best to keep the door close but fails when it's shoved all the way open. She starts running for the window but is tackled down.

"Holy fucking shit Ama! It's just fucking medicine!" Hidan exclaimed sitting on Kaylee he began opening up the medicine bottle.

"Get off me you freakin psychopath! I ain't taking that damn nasty shit called medicine especially if it's from my mom!" Kaylee struggled from underneath him. Clawing the floor with her nails she managed to get nowhere. "Let. Me. Go! Chuu!" Hidan gets up to flip her around but she also manages to get up. Luckily he still had a grip on her.

"Dammit Kakuzu you give her the medicine. I'll hold her down." Hidan has both Kaylee's arms behind her, she's still struggling.

"Fine." Kakuzu picks up the medicine. "you didn't grab a spoon idiot." He quickly sends a tendril from his sleeve to outside the bedroom seconds later it comes back with a spoon in tow. Kaylee eyes widen and she struggles even harder in Hidan's grip as Kakuzu inches closer.

"No! Back off Kakuzu! I swear Kakuzu don't come any closer." Kaylee's tries warning him as he was about to shove the spoon full of medicine in her mouth. She kicked him in the gut when he got into range. Kakuzu stumbles back a bit being caught off guard and trips onto the bed getting the medicine all over him. In that second Kaylee and Hidan froze sensing the malevolence aura emitting from the fallen nin. The moment Kakuzu sat up Kaylee's wanted to run fast and somewhere far…but she couldn't.

"Finally some blood is gonna spill." Hidan smirked gripping Kaylee tighter. Kakuzu glared at the two in front of him, he stood up who knew what was going through his mind or what he was going to do. Kaylee and he locked eyes. She closed her eyes and screamed.

"I want my mommy wait no mommy would make me take it I want my daddy!" the two nins anime sweat drop. Kakuzu pinches the bridge of his nose trying to subdue his anger.

He pours another batch full of medicine onto the spoon. Kaylee clamps her mouth shut.

"Open up." He said aggravated. Just when the spoon was about to be shoved into her mouth harshly, she moves her head to the side. You know what happens next right? Hidan gets a spoon full of that shit and releases Kaylee. He starts gagging.

"-sniffles-Ha ain't karma a" Before she could finish a teaspoon was shoved into her mouth. Kaylee's face pales and she runs out the bedroom with Hidan in pursuit rushing to the kitchen. Kaylee turns on the sink and starts drinking from it Hidan pushes her out of the way also starts drinking from it. It becomes a pushing battle between the two.

Kakuzu reads the directions of the bottle: Take 10ML by mouth every 4 hours as needed. "That's just great." He said glaring at the bottle.

*ding dong*


	14. Hungry Leeches

**A/N: Thanks guys for the reviews I love them also thanks for the alerts and favorites I like those too! Enjoy the chap!**

* * *

A couple days later, Kaylee gets over her cold thanks to the medicine…

Kaylee glares at the two men in her living room. Kakuzu was looking through America's Most Wanted magazine which he had forced Kaylee to mail order it for him when they saw the commercial for it last week. It just came in the mail today and he has yet set the thing down or moved from the recliner. And Hidan was just sprawled out on the couch with his dirty feet on it too, flipping through the channels.

"You guys seriously need to get jobs…you guys break, waste, and buy stuff like I'm made of money! I cannot keep up with the bills because of you two!"

"Oy Kakuzu, do you hear that." Hidan continues channel surfing.

"Hmm?" Kakuzu continues memorizing every damn criminal in the mag.

"Puh-lease. If you guys don't get jobs soon I'm kicking you out. I don't give a fuck who you are. I have no need for leeches." Kaylee folded her arms.

"Ama do you really think you can kick us out? You're fucking weak as hell!"

"Don't worry Hidan I've already thought of 8 ways of getting you guys out of my house!"

"Really? And what are those 8 ways…Kaylee." It took Kakuzu a second to remember her real name they've been calling her ama way too much lately.

"Pft as if I'm telling you. You'll probably try to foil them."

"Ha you don't have any plans." Hidan smirked

"I do too! I'm just not dumb enough to tell you guys."

"You're still dumb."

"Fuck you Kakuzu."

"No Thanks."

Kaylee screams at the top of her lungs. "BURN IN HELL!"

"You first." Kakuzu said smoothly turning the next page.

"Aha Ama your face is getting redder and redder by the second." Hidan closed his eyes laughing. Kaylee took the opportunity to throw the closest thing near her at him which was the phone. It hit him right smack in the face, he stop laughing.

"Consider yourself lucky it wasn't a kunai." Kaylee said snidely. Hidan glares at her, picks up the phone that's surprisingly still intact, tosses it up in the air, catches it and then whips it at her. Kaylee jumps to the right and she lands on the floor dodging it. The phone then shatters into pieces against the wall.

"Consider yourself lucky my throw's off." Hidan counter her snide. Kaylee looks at her broken phone and frowns.

"I need to buy a phone made of adamantium." She murmurs to herself. "See this is what I'm talking about right here!"

"Tch you were the first to thrown it."

"Fuck y-…" Kaylee glares over to Kakuzu; he in return raises a brow. "Fuck this I'm going." She gets up and grabs a bag which is full of paper.

"Where are you going?" Kakuzu asks getting up.

"Oh just places.." Kaylee trailed off walking towards the door. Hidan blocks the door to the outside world.

"What's in the bag Ama?" Kakuzu asks suspiciously walking up behind her.

"Oh ah nothing just papers heh." Kaylee said nervously looking back at Kakuzu. Hidan took the chance to snatch the bag from her. "Hey! You bastard give it back!" Kaylee tried grabbing it but Hidan tossed to Kakuzu and before Kaylee could go after it Hidan grabs her arm. "Noooooooo." She shouts as Kakuzu pulls out one of the papers. His face contorts as he looks over the paper then he looks back up at Kaylee.

"Don't tell me this is one of your plans." He asked showing them the paper.

"eh heh"

"What the fuck no wonder why you were taking pictures of us yesterday. You're trying to sell us!"

"Yes I am and I would've gotten away with it too. Already had a buyer online but she wasn't sure when she'll have the money. The flyers were my backup plan." Kakuzu and Hidan looked at her as if she had grown another head. Hidan pulls Kaylee close to him so his face is only an inch from hers.

"Are you fucking serious?" Hidan growled shaking her senseless.

"Your breath smells…" Kaylee said leaning back in his grip. "But look on the bright side you'll be with someone who actually wants your company because I surely don't want it."

"Well surely the person you're trying to sell us to be either insane or stupid."

"So…"

"…"

"…"

"You're serious."

"I was gonna have her come over with tranquilizers in the middle of the night but since that plan went down the drain time to move onto the next devious plan!"

"…"

"Get a job?"

"Fine just burn these fucking flyers."

"Yay"

So after a few attempts on Hidan's part they both manage to get jobs. While Kakuzu was able to find a nice stabled job to his liking, Hidan did not he got stuck as bag boy at a nearby grocery store.

Hidan was sitting at a closed register on top of the conveyor belt watching the cashier guy ring up a customer. He had another two hours of bagging before he could leave the hell hole.

"Bryan get over here and bag this lady's items now." The cashier yelled at Hidan.

"Damn heathens too fucking lazy to bag their own shit. I should sacrifice them all to Jashin." Hidan muttered to himself grabbing a plastic bag and then picking up a big box of tampons.

"I want those double bagged young man." said the customer in a snooty way.

"What for? You're just going to your car."

"Excuse me, but you should keep your mouth shut and do what you are told." She glared placing her purse on the counter to pay for the items.

"The fucking box isn't even heavy and everyone already can see you're buying the shitty tampons. There's seriously no fucking point." Hidan glared back.

"My word where is your manager I want this man fired how dare you talk to me like that." The lady asked angrily looking at the cashier.

"Why don't you go find him yourself fucking lazy lard of shit"

"Management to register 4, please." said the cashier over the PA.

"You should go back to school and be taught manners!"

"You should be taken to the slaughter house and skinned alive!" Just when Hidan was about to stab her in the forehead with a pen the manager intervene.

Half an Hour Later

Kaylee enters the kitchen to where Hidan is searching the cupboards for food.

"Hidan what are you doing?" Kaylee asked taking a seat at the table.

"What's it look like dumbass I'm looking for food, fucking hungry." Hidan replied still looking through the cupboards.

"Shouldn't you be at work though?" Kaylee asked watching him.

"Tch I got fucking fired." Hidan mumbled opening the fridge.

"Not surprise, did you threaten or cuss out another customer?"

"Yea your world is full of idiotic heathens. What the hell there's nothing to eat here." Hidan closed the fridge and finally faced Kaylee.

"Well Kakuzu said he was going to go grocery shopping when he got off work." Kaylee said planting her elbow on the table and resting her head in her hands.

"Why are you letting that prick get food he's only going to get cheap nasty food that will make you shit like there's no tomorrow."

"True but I'm banned from most of the stores around here now cause of you guys tagging along, breaking shit and fighting and then also threatening other shoppers. So now Kakuzu has to go into stores henged."

"Pft let's go to one of those of fast food places before fuck-face gets back." Hidan suggested sitting on the table in front of Kaylee gesturing to the front door.

"No I won't hear the end of it from Kakuzu about wasting money."

"Okay look at it this way Ama would you rather just have him ramble off all day or be stuck on the toilet all day?"

"Um…"

"Are you seriously considering the latter!?"

"Well..." Kaylee's tummy then growls and she flush in embarrassment. Hidan stares at her stomach and smirks.

"Then it's fucking settled. Let's go." He said grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her out the door.

"But, but Kakuzu will..." Kaylee started to whined

"Shut the fuck up, we're going." He scowled pushing her towards the jeep and she reluctantly obliged getting in. They pull out of the driveway and onto the road.

"What do you want to eat jackass?" Kaylee asked annoyed turning the corner.

"I don't know I'm just fucking hungry."

"Well that's helpful."

"What do you wanna eat?

"I'm not the one who wanted to go out to eat, so you choose."

"Fine let's go here." Hidan pointed at a fast food place with a huge yellow "M" as a sign

"Ah no."

"Why the hell not?

"Cause they suck."

"Tch I bet you're afraid of the clown mascot they have there."

"Am not I just hate that place…"

"How about this place Wen-"

"No their food tastes like grease." Kaylee stops at a red light.

"What the fuck Ama you fucking tell me to choose but everyone I pick you refuse."

"Aha Hidan I didn't know you were a poet." Kaylee laughed. Hidan hits her upside the noggin.

"Ow." Kaylee rubs her head. "Asshole." She murmured to herself. The light turns green and she turns another corner. "Hey let's get something from Taco-"

"Hell no I hate that place."

"But you've never been there!"

"So what I hate it because you suggest it." He glares at her and she glares back.

"Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"There!" Hidan takes the wheel and they swerve through a lane and into a parking lot.

"What the hell Hidan! We could have hit someone and gotten into an accident!" Kaylee screeched taking back control of the wheel and stepping on the brakes.

"Yeah whatever just order already I'm fucking hungry." Hidan said nonchalant. Kaylee looks at the drive-thru menu she narrows her eyes and looks over to Hidan.

"Hidan this place is expensive. We're not ordering from here." She hissed glaring at him. Hidan pinches her right cheek and pulls on it up and down.

"You sure you're not Kakuzu in disguise." Kaylee's face turns red and she slaps him across the face, he lets go.

"Bitch." He growled rubbing his cheek.

"Asshole." She growled back rubbing her own cheek.

*BEEP BEEP*

Kaylee looks in her rearview mirror three cars were behind them.

"Looks like I don't have a choice now, thanks jackass." Kaylee said vexed she pulls up to the speaker box thingy.

*"Thank-you for choosing Subs Galore, may I take your order?"*

Hidan leans too close for Kaylee's comfort and yells

"Yeah I want a large steak sub with everything on it with a large order of fries." Kaylee bashes her head into the driving wheel several times.

*"I'm sorry sir but we don't sell fries here."*

"What the hell do you sell then?"

*"We have subs, large cookies, soups and chips sir."*

"I want two large cookies and chips then." Hidan sits back down in his seat.

*"Wheat or white bread sir?"*

"Ah, wheat."

*"Is that all for today sir."*

"No I guess I'll have a white bread medium chicken sub with bacon, mozzarella cheese, and alfredo sauce on it."

*"Is that al-"*

"Yes, just tell me the damage..." Kaylee interrupted glaring at the speaker box.

*"The total is $24.57 please pull up to the next window."*

Kaylee slowly turns her glare at Hidan.

"What the hell are you waiting for Ama get the move on, I'm fucking hungry."

"I wish Kakuzu was here to beat you to a pulp." Kaylee muttered under her breath.

So Kaylee pays for the food and on the way to home they go. She pulls up into the driveway. Hidan stares at the house's front window.

"Are you gonna sit in the jeep all day or are you coming in." Kaylee asked unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Someone's inside the house." Hidan said quietly glancing over to Kaylee then back to the house.


	15. Apples

**A/N: Thanks for all reviews and everything else :) Enjoy what ya can from this chap. I'm no good getting into details...**

* * *

"Huh?" Kaylee looked at him weird.

"Someone is inside the fucking house." Hidan yelled at her.

"It's probably Kakuzu." She shrugged it off opening the driver's door.

"The lights are off."

"So like you always say he's a cheap bastard just tryin-"

"It's not him dumbass." He sneered annoyed. Hidan gets out of the jeep quietly closing the car door and slowly walking up to the porch with Kaylee right behind him on her tiptoes. They get to the front door it was slightly open.

"Okay so we forgot to close the door by accident when we left, I really doubt-" Hidan pinched her lips together shutting her up. They glare at each for second.

"Stay here." He whispered going in. Kaylee stands there for a minute swinging the bag of food back and forth looking out into the street it was getting dark she then feels the sudden urge to go. Kaylee squirms for another minute.

"Screw this I got to pee." She walks in with caution when she saw the coast was clear she relaxed. "Tch, no one's here." Kaylee mumbled closing the door behind her and headed upstairs to the bathroom. 'Where the hell did that zealot go?' Kaylee takes a quick glance down the stairs when she thought she saw a shadow move. She then hears some shuffling behind Hidan's bedroom door. "Hidan?" she said softly unsure then taking slow quiet steps toward the door. She opens the door upon seeing no one she walks completely into the room. A flash of light from outside brings her attention to the window she gazes outside to see if Kakuzu is home yet. 'Something's off. It doesn't feel right in here it's as if there's something ominous lurking be-.'

"Boy are you a major baka. You certainly don't deserve to live amongst them." growled a man's voice from behind her sounding a little too close for her comfort.

"Hanh?" she goes to turn around but stops when an arm wraps around her neck and a knife is to her throat.

"You're pitiable." The man growled again.

"Um okay" she said unsure. 'Wonderful a nutcase breaks into my house and Hidan is nowhere to be seen and I still got to pee. "Who do you mean by them anyway?" Kaylee asked trying to look at him from the corner of her eye.

"The Akatsuki members of course." He laughed. Kaylee's body stiffens and eyes widen 'How? How does he know?'

"Start moving." The man ordered. He pushes her out of the bedroom and starts heading down the stairs slowly so he doesn't accidently cut her throat though surely it wouldn't be an accident if he did. 'Where's a hero when I need one?' she pondered.

"Didn't I tell you to stay outside Ama?" Hidan asked standing in the middle of the living room entrance with the scythe in his left hand leaning against his shoulder. 'He'll have to do.' She looked at him with a bored expression.

"Hidan-sama it's really you!"

"Huh?"

"If I sacrifice this wench to Jashin-sama will you convert me to Jashinism" he asked bringing the knife closer to her neck.

"What. The. Fuck?" Hidan said surprised.

"Yeah, exactly what he said." Kaylee tried turning her head towards the man in attempt to make a point.

"Go ahead." Hidan smirked sitting down on the stairs.

"Hidan you good for nothing bastard." Kaylee said through gritted teeth glowering at him.

"Thank you Sensei! I am so glad she told me where you were." He whispered the last part.

"Who's she?" Kaylee asked confused.

"Make sure you kill her slowly… you won't get any enjoyment by just slicing her throat."

"Yes Sensei!" the guy spins her around and she's finally able to see what her captor looks like. He had strawberry-blonde curly hair, chocolate brown eyes, he was a little taller than her and wearing black slacks, a black turtle neck, and a cheap ass Naruto headband. He could have been a year or two younger than her. Hidan lets out a chuckle.

"I'm gonna be enjoying this." Hidan smiled.

"You gotta be kid-" Kaylee lost her breath as a shockwave of pain tremors through her body. She looks slowly down to where all the pain was emitting from. She saw blood slowly pour from her stomach with the knife still embedded in her.

"Wah-why?" Kaylee said looking up at the guy, teary blue eyes meeting cold brown ones. The man smirks and twists the knife in her, she lets out a blood hurtling scream. He pulls the knife out and she falls to the ground panting heavy. Kaylee stares into the kitchen seeing the room light up.

"Good now finish her off." Hidan ordered.

"Will do." The guy steps on her back making her scream again.

"Wait!" Kaylee yelled.

"Awe is Ama going to beg for mercy?" Hidan said annoyed.

"Tch no but there's something I want to tell you before he kills me."

"And what's that?"

"I hat-" before Kaylee could say anything else the man's weight on her disappears and a snapping sound was heard. "What the?" She sits up slowly clutching her wound and looks up to see Kakuzu still twisting the guy's neck.

"Awe come on Kakuzu-chan you ruin all the fun." Hidan whined standing up.

"Shut up and get the groceries." Kakuzu growled dropping the body next to Kaylee. Hidan walks outside the house cursing under his breath. "And you get off the floor you're getting blood all over the new rug and what's that in your hand did I not tell you not to buy any food?"

"You fucking serious? I'm dying here and you're complaining bout the rug and food!?

"You're not dying, don't over exaggerate it's just a stab wound."

"What the fuck! I am dying I can feel the life being sucked out of me as we speak! Fucking call the ambulance or take me to the hospital dammit!" Kaylee screamed at him with fury. Kakuzu simply rolled his eyes. "I can almost see the light." Kaylee said dramatically reaching upward.

"You'll soon be seeing the light if you don't shut up and get off the floor." Kakuzu growled grabbing her arm and yanking her up. He started dragging her upstairs.

"Yee-ouch! Let go let go let go you're hurting me you're hurting me! Kaylee bellyached.

"I'm seriously thinking about sewing your mouth shut for good." Kakuzu rumbled letting her go.

"Love you too Kazu." she said flatly. They entered the bathroom.

"Get on top of the sink."

"Why can't I just sit on the toilet?"

"I don't feel like bending over." He grumbled.

"Ooooh yeah I forgot you're an old fart." Kaylee smiled getting onto of the sink slowly. Kakuzu took the initiative to smash her hand into the counter with his fist. He reminded himself that the house is in her name and that killing her wouldn't be a good idea right now.

"Yowl!" she yelped bringing her hand close to her chest. "You're mean." She whined.

"Shut up and take your shirt off." He ordered. Kaylee stares at him for a second and complies. He placed one of his hands on her bare back and the other on her wound. His hand starts to glow green.

"Holy shit your hands are cold." Kaylee screeched looking up at Kakuzu to her surprise his face was only a mere inch from hers. Her eyes widen and face reddens at how close he was. There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other. Kaylee closes her eyes and leans in. "Ow!" she yelped leaning back as he jabbed her in the stomach.

"Too close for comfort." He grumbled glaring at her with those green emerald eyes.

"Hmfph I was just feeling dizzy that's all." She looks away smugly.

"Right…that's why you pursed your lips too." He rolled his eyes.

"Grr I hate yaaaaaa-owl! Ow owie ow ow owie ooooow!"

"This is what you get for trying to sell us to some psychopaths." Kakuzu growled finishing up the stitching and then grabbing the alcohol. Kaylee pouts and squeezes her eyes shut anticipating the sting which came.

"Buttow I didn't give anyow my whereabouts! I don't know ho-ow they found owt!"

"Did the kid give out any information?" he asked turning around to search through the closet/cupboard thingy for bandages.

"Huh? Oh wait he said something about someone giving him the location. It was a female cause he said 'she'. Someone must be stalking us or you." Kaylee replied staring at Kakuzu's butt when he turned back around she looked up at the ceiling.

"Hmm..."

"You think it's the same person that-" "Holyshit you're fat!" Hidan exclaim with a mouthful of food. "Fuck yo…oh you bastard! That's my sub!" Kaylee screeches and jumps off the sink to go strangle him. "I'll keel you!" Kakuzu grabs her by the shoulder and starts to bandage. "Grr." Kaylee growls at being hold back.

"As if you can fat fuck." Hidan said snidely.

"THAT'S IT I'M PUNCHING YOUR FUCKING FACE IN." Kaylee fumed she had had enough of his bullshit and rushed at him as soon as Kakuzu was done bandaging her. Hidan stuffs the rest of the sub in his mouth and catches both of her fists.

"What you gonna do now Ama?" Hidan asked with a mouthful smirking down at her.

"This!" Kaylee places her right foot between his legs then behind his left foot. She then pushes with all her weight and he's falls onto the floor with her on top. Kaylee then manages to pin both his arms down with her knees. "How ya like me now sucka!" She yelled right up in his face then punching him as hard as she could. There was a cracking sound and blood started pooling from his nose.

"You fucking done it now Ama!" Hidan was pissed he flips her over so he's on top now and blood is dripping on her face. He pulls out a kunai and grins "I'm going to enjoy every last sec-" *BAM*

Kakuzu had kicked Hidan from behind sending him through the railings and crashing onto the first floor. Kaylee looks at Kakuzu questioningly; he in return shrugged his shoulders.

"I couldn't resist, it was as if there was a kick me sign attach to his ass." He said nonchalant walking down the stairs. Kaylee slowly gets up gripping her stomach it was still hurting 'Kakuzu did a shoddy job fixing me up but then again he could of done nothing at all.' she walks to edge and looks down at the moaning Hidan.

"HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES ASSHOLE!" she yelled then walked back into the bathroom. "I'm taking a piss and then a shower anyone walks in on me I'm stabbing them with a toothbrush."

"Fuck you."

"Not in your lifetime Hidan." Kaylee replied slamming the bathroom door.


	16. Taken

**A/N: Hey guys thanks for all the favorites, alerts annnnd reviews i love those! Whelp here's the next chap enjoy!**

* * *

The next day…

"Ahh! Kakuzu! Hidan is trying to kill me! Again! Help!" Kaylee yelled for Kakuzu as she ran from a furious Hidan. Honestly she didn't do anything well anything lately to be exact; he's still fuming about the other night.

"Just ignore her pleas they'll be ended in a minute!" Hidan added chasing her with a knife. Kaylee hides behind the recliner which Kakuzu was seated in. Kakuzu just wanted to relax the two of them had kept him up all night by screaming at each other. This was his last straw and in a split second he had them both off the ground by the throat pinned against the wall.

"Ever since we got here you guys have been fighting nonstop. If you guys don't make ends meet then I'll make sure the both of you meet your end. Got it?" Kakuzu threaten very irritated. Kaylee shook her head up and down vigorously while Hidan rolled his eyes as if saying 'As if you could.' Kakuzu lets them go and sits back down. They both drop to the floor Kaylee hyperventilating while Hidan took a couple deep breaths.

"Asshole." The both of them grumbled glaring at Kakuzu then at each other. Kaylee's glare softens and puts her hand out to shake.

"Okay one more time Hidan. Truce?" Hidan stares at her hand then up at her.

"Not with a heathen like you." He glared.

"Well it's your lost then." Kaylee said rubbing her neck and slowly getting up.

"Tch I didn't lose anything." He gets up and walks to the front door.

"Where you going?" she asked.

"None of your damn business bitch." Hidan walks out and slams the door. Kaylee plops down on the couch letting out a sigh.

"Well this blows." She mumbled staring at the ceiling then over to Kakuzu who didn't respond he seemed to be in his own little world. He was hunched over, elbows on his knees, his chin resting in his hands and eyes set on the wall before him. "Kakuzu?" Kaylee asked rubbing her neck again. He slowly shifts his eyes to her.

"What?" he growled lowly.

"Um….how are you liking the weather?" Kaylee smiled trying to start a conversation.

"…" he gets up, henges and starts heading towards the front door. Kaylee watches him in surprised as he opens the door.

"Wait!" she rushes up and follows him out the door. "Where're you going?" she questioned stopping at the edge of the porch while he stops on the lawn and turns around.

"I'm going to make sure dipshit doesn't do anything stupid like sacrifice the whole town." He stated and continued walking.

"Can I come along?" she asked catching up to him.

"No." he said simply. Kaylee stops for a moment glaring at Kakuzu's back.

"pft I'm coming with you anyways." She grumbled catching up to him again. Kakuzu glares down at her for a second then continues his walk.

Meanwhile with Hidan…

Hidan had made it into the city by jumping roof to roof. 'Damned heathens fucking piss me off. Who the hell do they think they are?' He asked himself looking around the few of people passing by. He was in the ghetto part town where there's nothing but druggies and parties. 'I need something to kill.' He sees a gorgeous young brunette wink at him then walked into a two-story building. The building had a huge brightly light sign above the door entrance that read "Sinville". Hidan chuckled to himself.

"This should be fun." He smirked walking towards the building to find the girl but a big guy at the entrance stopped him.

"I.D.?" he ordered rather than asked.

"What the fuck you need that for?" Hidan asked glaring.

"I.D. or get lost punk." The man ordered gesturing him to get moving. Hidan rolled his eyes and pulled his I.D. out Kaylee had given him weeks ago.

"Fucking happy now?" Hidan shoved the card in the guy's face, he then moves out of Hidan's way.

When he entered the place he was shocked. There was music blaring loudly, red, green, and blue lights were flashing rapidly and what had thrown him off were men everywhere stripping naked. He turned heel to leave only to bump into the lady who lead him in the first place. She was holding two margaritas she held one up to his face.

"Here, let's go somewhere secluded." She said handing him the drink and then heading through the crowd to a staircase.

"Perfect." He whispers. Hidan swishes the drink around sniffing it, smelled kind of odd but takes it all in one shot anyways. He sets the glass on a nearby table then proceeds to follow the lady up the stairs. As he was halfway up the stairs a guy that was in a middle of a strip gave him a pitiful look. Hidan in return flipped the guy off and continued going up. On the second floor there was a long hallway on each side there were a bunch of closed doors. The brunette led him to the eighth door on the right and walked in. Hidan followed and shut the door behind him smirking.

Elsewhere…

"We should've taken the jeep. We're never gonna catch up to him." Kaylee complained.

"I would've caught up to him if it weren't for your slow ass." Kakuzu growled glaring down at her.

"Well you could've just given me a simple piggyback ride." She responded crossing her arms over her chest and looking away.

"I wouldn't give you one even if you paid me." He countered stuffing his hands in his pockets and glaring straight ahead.

"Tch bastard." Kaylee mumbled. "How far are we from him anyways?"

"Not far he's stopped now he's abou-" Kakuzu stops walking his eyes dart around as if searching for something.

"What's wrong?"Kaylee asked also stopping.

"I can't sense his chakra anymore." He answered looking over to her. She looks down at the ground thinking for a moment then back at him.

"Is he dead?" she asked scrunching up her face.

"That would be a miracle." Kakuzu retorted and continued to walk.

"Too bad miracles don't happen." Kaylee grumbled following him again.

Back to Hidan

Hidan a bit dazed slowly opened his eyes to a bright light and all he could hear was the throbbing beat of his heart. He felt cold metal on his wrists and ankles. He tried moving but he couldn't he looked around to see that he was chained naked to a bed and that he was in a small bedroom with a window to his left.

"What the fuck happened?" he groaned as the sound of his own voice made his head ache.

"I spiked your drink and sedated you then awhile you were knocked out I gave you Viagra." chimed a female voice to his right. He looks over to see the brunette smiling down at him. 'What the fuck is Viagra.' The lady lies down next to him and whispers in his ear. "You're stuck here forever now and will be used for sex." She smiled tracing a circle around his bare chest.

"The hell I am! In Jashin's name I will get out of this and fucking sacrifice you and every damn heathen here to him." Hidan yelled.

"My, my, aren't you a bad boy? You know what happens to bad boys? They get the whip." She smiled devilishly grabbing something from the night stand which was a whip.

"Shit." Hidan grumbled he was defiantly not in the mood for pain right now.

Now with Kakuzu and Kaylee…

"Oh where oh where could Hidan have gone oh where oh where could he be, with his temper so short and his rants so long, oh where oh where could he be?" Kaylee sang and skipped in boredom.

"Would you shut up I'm trying to concentrate."

"hmfph" Kaylee pouts and stops skipping

"I'm able to get another reading of his chakra again but it's weak."

"Sooo how far is he?"

"Across the street." He stops, pointing at the two-story building.

"Why the hell is he at a male's strip club?! I thought he said he was straight what the fridge!?

"I don't want to know how you know it's a strip club…"

"What!? No! My friend went there last year she complain bout it how the guys seemed to be drugged and…OH MY GAWD Hidan's in trouble! Let's go!" Kaylee panicked and grabbed Kakuzu's arm to run across the street but he didn't budge.

"I am not going in there. You're on your own Ama." He growled as his face grew red he yanked his arm out of her grasp.

"What!? I can't do this alone!" Kaylee exclaimed throwing her arms in the air.

"It's not like the place is full of S-rank criminals." He mocked folding his arms over his chest

"Whatever forget you!" She scoffed and ran across the street. The big guy stops her from entering right away.

"I.D." the man said. Kaylee searches her pockets and finds her wallet and shoves the thing in his face.

Kakuzu watches as the big guy lets her in. His eyes flicker to their normal color red and green for a second before going back to basic white and green as he stares at the guard. Shaking his left arm once a kunai handle slips into his hand with the blade still hidden in his sleeve. 'looks like I get the pleasure to kill today.' He reflected still watching the guard and starts walking across the street casually.

"Holy shit naked people." Kaylee's jaw dropped and she immediately closed her eyes then clasped her hands over them. 'Okay lee you can do this it's just a club full of naked guys' Kaylee peeks through her fingers 'hot naked guys…surely hidan isn't around here.' She quickly scans the area to where he might be she then spots a set of stairs which is block off by a buff looking lady. 'he could be up there but how can I pass that she-hulk?' Kaylee gets closer to the lady but stays within the crowd trying figure out a plan.

"Tyler give me one those!" the she-hulk lady called out to a skinny naked guy with a tray of drinks in his hand. 'aha bingo!' Kaylee thought in triumph. As the man was just about to past Kaylee to get to the she-hulk she sticks her foot out. 'You put your right foot in,' the guy trips over her foot and the drinks go flying towards the women. 'You put your right foot out; blah, blah, blah then you do the Hokey-Pokey, and you turn yourself around.' Kaylee turns around to avoid being suspicious she hears the lady scream in fury.

"Tyler you dumbass you got it all over my dress! Miss Kimbel will have your head for this after she's done with our new guest." she then storms past Kaylee and towards the restrooms.

"That's what it's all about!" Kaylee whispered and claps twice quietly.

Kaylee then rushes up the stairs to where it was a lot quieter and a lot less nude. She looks down the hallway and frowns not pleased with the sight before her. "Why so many doors?" she opens the first door on the left. "Hid- oh my! sorry!" Kaylee quickly closes the door her face turning beet red. "Damn my inability to sense charka."

After many minutes and many doors…

Kaylee opens the door with her hand over her eyes.

"Hidan?" she said in a shaky voice hoping it wasn't another room with two naked people 'doing it'.

"AMA!"

"HIDAN!" Kaylee squealed uncovering her eyes. "ohmygawdhidan." She covers her eyes again after seeing him and his member.

"AMA YOU DUMBASS BEHIND YOU." Hidan yelled. Kaylee turns around to see the brunette had passed her and locked the door. 'Where she come from?'

"Why look surprise sweetie? You weren't the least bit stealthy." She said dropping the key into her cleavage.

"Was that why you left the door unlock?" 'She must be Miss. Kimbel. She kinda looks like Angelina Jolie. Maybe they're cousins or maybe even sisters or maybe...' As Kaylee's thoughts trailed Kimbel took the time to look over Kaylee who was just wearing a dark grey shirt, blue basketball shorts and black converse.

"So Ama was it?" Kimbel asked looking her up and down ignoring Kaylee's question.

"Actually it's Kay-" "Does it look like I actually care." she interrupted. Kaylee puffed her face up in anger.

"Well it would have seemed since you ask-" "Silence! Only members of the club are allowed upstairs." Kimbel cut her off again.

"Where can I sign up?" Kaylee asked jokingly

"AMA!" Hidan screeched.

"Oh right…Release Hidan now bee-autch! Kaylee ordered dramatically pointing her index finger at the lady.

"Most defiantly not, Miss. Fashion Disaster." Kimbel sneers.

"Why I outta." Kaylee starts walking towards her rolling up her imaginary sleeves. The brunette quickly roundhouse kicks Kaylee in the stomach and sends her flying onto Hidan's freshly wounded stomach.

"Wow you fucking suck. Don't you know how to fight?" Hidan sneered.

"Shut up, I only took karate up for 2 years and that was 10 years ago."

"It really shows…" Kaylee glares at him hard soon she realize her t-shirt felt wet. She looks down to see that her wound from last night had reopened.

"aaahhhhaoooow." She howls as Kimbel grabs Kaylee by the hair.

"I'm sorry sweetie you know too much now and I'm going to have to kill you." Kimbel whispered into her ear. Kaylee's eyes widen in horror. 'Why is everyone out to kill me!? I should of stayed home and let Kakuzu handle this.' Kimbel then knees her in the stomach making Kaylee keel over onto the floor coughing up blood.

"Can you be any more of a fucking pansy Ama?"

"Can ya be any more of an ass?" She coughed out, slowly but surely getting up. Soon there was some sort of rope around her neck pulling her up. "Ca..ant bree…eve." Kaylee manage to choke out as the rope got tighter around her neck.

"Of course you can't breathe the bitch is choking you." Hidan retorted. "Fucking head-butt her! Dumbass!" He yelled annoyed with his savior's inability to fight at all. Kaylee complied quickly and swung her head back hitting Kimbel hard in the face. She lets go of Kaylee falling back on her arse while Kaylee falls forward landing her knees and forearms. Kaylee lets out a few coughs then takes in a deep breath.

'Why am I risking my life for this douche bag? He's been nothing but trouble for me.' Kaylee thought squeezing her eyes shut trying to reduce the now throbbing pain at the back of head. She collapses onto the ground and rolls onto her side to avoid putting any more pressure on her stomach. "Ama you pathetic piece of shit get up." Hidan snarled at her from atop the bed.

"Fuck off. Can't you see I'm in a lot of pain!?" Kaylee snapped back.

"Oh cry me a fucking river seriously. That's nothing compared to what I've been through."

"Well I'm not you." She muttered rolling onto her back. 'Where the fuck is Kakuzu when you need him?' she opens her eyes and looks over to the lady who was groaning in pain, her nose bleeding profusely. Kaylee then spots a key on the floor next to the lady her eyes then glimmer with joy. 'oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes to see the key just sitting there!' Kaylee cringes as she gets on her hands and knees to crawl over to the key then the bed. Now kneeling besides the bed with Hidan's body in full view Kaylee blushes and lets out a chuckle at the sight of his hard member.

"So Hidan …are you that happy to see me or" "SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Hidan cuts her off before she could say anything else to piss him off more. She reluctantly complied and manages to get his right hand free.

"Okay asshole you can do the rest yourself my stomach is really killing me." Kaylee groaned handing him the key before she sat herself down on the floor and leaning herself against the bed. "Why can't you just be nice for once eh?" Kaylee's voice trails off.

"Tch." was Hidan's only response as he unshackled himself from the bed. He sat up to see his clothes piled up in a corner which he wasted no time putting them on. "Where the fuck is stitch-face?" Hidan asked as he rounded the bed to where Kaylee had seated herself he found her unconscious. "Fucking great." He grumbled. He looks over to the lady that was also unconscious a grin then plays across his face. "Time to finish this." As he started to advance on her there was a tap at the window. He looks towards the window to see nothing, as he turns his back to the window there was another tap. Growing frustrated he walks up to the window only to witness a brick flying towards him. It breaks through the window and hits him in the forehead which sends him falling back onto the bed. "WHAT THE FUCK." Hidan yelled regaining his composure his forehead now bleeding. Hidan marches back to the window "Who the fuck fucking threw that!" he glares out the window to see Kakuzu down below in the alley.

"Hidan you dumbshit keep it down and get your dumbass down here." Kakuzu hissed standing next to a pile of bricks

"After I sacrifice these wenches." Hidan hissed in return. He turned his back to Kakuzu… what a big mistake that was. Another brick met the back side of Hidan's head.

"Where's Kaylee?" Kakuzu hissed again ready to throw another brick at the albino.

"Bastard! She's fucking dead!" Hidan yelled picking up a brick and throwing it back at Kakuzu, he missed. Kakuzu raised a brow.

"Really?" Kakuzu said a little bit surprised.

"I don't know! I'm not a fucking doctor! She's just lying there bleeding all over the place!" Hidan retorted.

"Well just grab her and let's go! I've set explosive tags all around the building" Kakuzu said throwing another brick at Hidan this time he missed him.

"Tch fucking heathen." Hidan walks over to Kaylee's limp body and picks her up bridal style carrying her to the window. "Forgive me Jashin-sama." He said glancing back at the woman on the floor. He's going to have to do a long ass ritual for letting her live. "Hey dickface! Catch!" Kakuzu looks up his eyes widen as he sees Hidan tossing Kaylee out of the window.

"I'm going to kill him." Kakuzu growled to himself as he catches her. Soon Hidan is by Kakuzu's side.

"So you plan on blowing the place up? If only Deidara-chan were here he would enjoy the 'fleeting moment'." Hidan laughed. "Too bad he's died along with puppet boy when they tried catching that 9-tail brat." Hidan said reflecting when they heard the news from Zetsu that they were both dead.

"Hidan we never found any remains of Deidara or even his ring for that matter. For all we know he could still be alive." Kakuzu replied shoving Kaylee in Hidan's arms. "Hold her I need to place the last explosive tag." Hidan takes hold of her reluctantly and watch Kakuzu place the last tag on the building. "There let's make haste now." Kakuzu said walking in the direction to where home would be. After they were bout 200 yards from the building Kakuzu made hand signs and the building exploded and crumbled to the ground. People started screaming running in all different directions. Both nins smiled as chaos spread across the town.


	17. Meet the Parents

**A/N: Thanks guys for all z reviews, follows, and favorite i love'em! Enjoy! And yes Kaylee is a Mary Sue otherwise she would've died many a chapters ago :)**

The next day

Kaylee was awoken by the sharp pain in her stomach. Her eyes flutter open to see her room. She looked around confused 'was it just a dream?' she rolls over only to fall out of bed. "GAWDDAMN SHIT." Kaylee cursed as the pain from her side increase. She heard footsteps then the door creaking open. Light flooded the room as it was switched on. Kaylee clamps her eyes shut from the brightness and growled in annoyance. "Turn that damn light off." She hissed.

"Tch grouch." Hidan scoffed walking towards her. Kaylee glares up at him waiting for him to insult her or attempt to kill her but all he did was crouch down in front of her and glared back. They sat there for a few minutes glaring at each til Hidan offers his hand out. Kaylee's becomes baffled by his action.

"Really?" she asked staring at him with wide eyes.

"Before I change my mind, seriously." Hidan said irritated rolling his eyes. Kaylee hesitant grabbed his hand. "Truce." He said pulling her up to her feet. A smile spreads across Kaylee's face.

*Ding-Dong*

Kaylee's smile falters. "What time is it?"

"Two o'clock" Hidan let go of her hand and looked away towards the door.

"Two in the morning?" Kaylee looks at him confused. 'Who in their right mind would come over this late?' Hidan looks back at her annoyed.

"No, in the afternoon dumbass." He then starts to leave the room but stops. They hear the front door being open and a voice that Kaylee had hope to have not heard.

"Oh my goodness Kaylee's finally got a boyfriend! And a cute one at that!"

Kaylee's whole face pales, Hidan notices and smirks. "What's the matter Ama? Afra-" His smirk disappears when Kaylee grabs him by the shoulders and starts shaking him back and forth.

"My parents are here! My parents are here, Hidan! They. Are. Here!" Kaylee panicked shaking him more. "And poor Kakuzu-chan is down there with them!" Hidan couldn't help but burst out laughing. "We must save him from my parents!" Kaylee grabs Hidan pulling him out the door.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around considering Kakuzu's temper?"

"You would reconsider that thought if you knew my parents."

Kakuzu did a quick transformation justu and then opens the door to be greeted by a couple looking to be in they're forties. A lady with blonde but almost white looking hair and bright blue eyes looks up at Kakuzu and flashes him a big huge smile.

"Oh my goodness Kaylee's finally got a boyfriend! And a cute one at that!" she squealed stepping closer to pinch Kakuzu, he quickly dodges her attack to his cheek.

"What a handsome young fellow. What's your name son?" the man asked with brown eyes staring up at him he had brown hair that was balding and greying. The man put his hand out to shake but Kakuzu just stood there glaring at the two thinking if he should just kill them or not.

"MOM, DAD WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" Kaylee screeched running down the stairs with a half-naked Hidan on her tail. 'Killing seems to be out of the question.' Kakuzu mused to himself.

"Oh sweetie there you are! Oop did we interrupt you two?" her mother greeted placing her small hand over her mouth noticing the half nakedness of both of them. Hidan and Kakuzu both cocked a brow in confusion.

"What!?" Kaylee looks at her mother bewilder. Why would her mother come to that conclusion?

"It's about time you lost your virginity to a man. I was starting to think you were lesbian sweetheart." Her father beamed.

"DAD!" Kaylee screeched

"You're still a virgin?" Hidan asked quietly.

"HID-HI BRYAN!" Kaylee stutter his name not wanting to say his real name in front of her parents.

"Aw Bryan what a cute name. Did we interrupt you two playing dirty doctor and naughty nurse. Her father and I use do it while her and her brother went to school. It was so much fun!" Her mother chirped.

"MOTHER NO! WE WERE DOING NO SUCH THING!" by now Kaylee's face was beaming the brightness of red.

"Then what's with the bandage's around your stomach?" her father asked. Kaylee looks down to her stomach to see the said bandages then realize that she was only in her training bra and shorts. By now her face was redder than a tomato and she ran right back up the stairs to throw on a shirt.

"So who was the lucky fellow to bed my daughter first?" the father asked smiling at the two. Kakuzu and Hidan stared doe eyed not sure if they should answer that.

"DAD!" Kaylee roared stomping back down the stairs. "Neither of these jerkoffs are my boyfriend!"

"Are they paid prostitutes? Cause I wouldn't mind doing it with tall, dark, and handsome." Her mother winked at Kakuzu.

"MOTHER! NO THEY ARE NOT PROSTITUTES!" Kaylee screeched yet again, at any time now she's going to lose her voice.

"Hired dates then?" her father asked.

"NO! Father. No. They are not." Kaylee was on her last nerve and was on the brink of bursting into tears from the humiliation and frustration.

"Then are they-"

"Mother, Father they are roommates nothing more. Nothing sexual has happened. No romance. No nothing. Kapeesh? Comprender?"

"So does that make you a les-" "OUTSIDE NOW!" Kaylee pushed the two out the still opened door she then slams the door behind her.

"Tehe…heh..ahahahahahaha!" Hidan doubled over laughing. Kakuzu glares at him for a second and then looks at the closed door.

"What are you two doing here?" Kaylee hissed through gritted teeth.

"Oh darling is it a sin to visit our only living child which we haven't seen in at least 4 years?" her mother questioned back. Kaylee averts her glare to the ground sheepishly.

"No but that does not mean you have to embarrass me in front my roommates." Kaylee growled.

"Aw sweetie we didn't mean too." Her mother cooed brushing the bangs out of Kaylee's face.

"You do it every single time you visit me! Every. Single. Time!" Kaylee swats her mother's hand away fuming. Last time they visit they had come to her work and she does not dare to want to recall what happened back then.

"Alright how about we come back later around dinner time and just let you cool down for now." Her father suggested wrapping his arm around Kaylee's shoulder and giving her a tight squeeze. 'how about you leave and never come back.' Kaylee thought gravely.

"I don-" "Sounds like a plan!" her mother chirped kissing her daughter's cheek then happily walked off to the car with her father in tow. "See you later sweetheart." Her mother blows her kiss before she gets into the car and takes off. Kaylee stares at the departing car in disbelief. Tears start to form in her blue eyes. "They-They're coming back." She gasped "THEY'RE COMING BACK! God why must you be so cruel to me!?" she cried out to the sky, dropping to her knees. The door clicks open behind her.

"What the hell are you doing? Trying to create a scene? Kakuzu growled poking his head out.

"Shut the fuck up I'm trying to be dramatic here." Kaylee hissed glaring at him from the corner of her eye which in return only angered him. He grabbed the back of her shirt dragging her off the ground and into the house then promptly dropping her on her arse. She sat there in fetal position hugging her knees while rocking back and forth.

"They're coming back." Kaylee murmured.

"Want us to kill them?" Hidan asked watching her rock. She shook her head no vigorously.

"So those were your parents. They seemed rather promiscuous." Kakuzu said also watching her rock back and forth. Kaylee stops rocking and lets out a soft chuckle.

"Ya they're like that. If my mother hadn't gotten diagnose with PID after I was born I believe I would have like 15 more brothers and sisters, seriously. My parents are sex addicts and they encourage it."

"If they encourage it then why the fuck, are you still a fucking virgin?" Hidan asked sitting on the stairs since no one was moving from their spot. Kaylee glares at him.

"That's none of your damn business." She snarled at him.

"What couldn't find a man to fuck your ugly ass?" Hidan jeered.

"For your information I've had plenty of opportunities. Thanks to my parents trying to hook me up with every man they meet on the street, literally...which I have rejected every single one of them." Kaylee had pause looking a bit sad before she had finish the sentence off proudly.

"What the fuck? Why?" Hidan asked baffled not believing the last part.

"I am not doing it with some random guy they find off the street, der." She scoffed glaring at Hidan.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Kakuzu inquired.

"No..and I don't plan on having one ever." Kaylee responded averting her gaze to the front door.

"Why?"

"Is this 21 questions!? No. I find relationships pointless." Kaylee growled looking at the ground then getting up and heading towards the front door.

"Teh I bet it was the other way around and you were rejected by every single one of them." Hidan taunted. Kaylee opens the door then slams it behind her on the way out. "Ha she didn't deny it!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes at his partners' conjecture. Kaylee quickly came back in and grab the keys then left again. "Where the fuck is she going?" Hidan asked walking towards the front door.

"She better not be running away." Kakuzu followed Hidan out the door. As she was about to pull out of the drive Kakuzu opens the passenger's door. "Where do you think you're going?" Kakuzu demanded

"Grocery shopping I need to buy items for dinner." Kaylee rolled her eyes.

"How do we know you're not running off?" Hidan asked suspicious stepping besides Kakuzu. Kakuzu then takes a seat inside the jeep.

"Ha even if I do run off my parents will send a search squad of sorts after me."

"How would you know?" Hidan asked swinging the jeep's door back and forth absentmindedly.

"Because they've done it before." She grumbled shifting her eyes to the drivers' window. "I wish they would leave me alone forever." Kaylee droned leaning back and resting her head onto the driver's headrest. She turns her head towards Hidan and speaks before he could say anything. "and not be dead." She added narrowing her eyes at Hidan.

"What?" Hidan asked defensively.

"You should just get a boyfriend so they'll stop harassing you."

"Teh HA! No way. They won't stop once I get one, they will then start harassing me bout getting married and then having a bunch of grandchildren for them." Kaylee rolled her eyes once more. "Look I need to go now, get out or close the door." She orders putting the jeep in reverse. Kakuzu closes the door.

"What the fuck?" Hidan asked lost. Were they ditching him!?

"Hidan stay here just in case they come back before us." Kaylee ordered again

"What!? Why the fuck do I need to stay here!?" Hidan shouted.

"Well obliviously I don't want them calling the search squad. So be a good boy and stay put kay?" She smiled at him tilting her head to the side. Kaylee pulled out of the driveway before he could do anything horrible to her.


	18. Know the Difference

**Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites! Enjoy~**

* * *

They rode in silence to the grocery store. Kaylee parked the jeep and turned the engine off she lets out a sigh before she spoke.

"This. Is. The. Last. Store. In the 10 mile radius of my house that I am not banned from do NOT screw it up." She spoke slowly and lowly staring at him from the corner of her eye as she unbuckled her seat belt.

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Kakuzu growled already losing his temper. Kaylee turns her head to fully face him with a deadpan expression.

"You seriously do not want me to answer that." She replied getting out of the jeep. Kaylee runs her hand through her hair as she walks through the parking lot with Kakuzu on her tail. 'Of all times why did they have to come visit now? Why couldn't they have visit months before I met Mr. Jackass and Sir Asshole or just not at all. Argh now I have to worry bout dinner and the two jackwads tempers. Oh gawd I hope Hidan doesn't do anything stupid if my parents come back before we do. Shit maybe it-"

*BEEP BEEP*

"AH!" Kaylee squeak as a pink minivan almost ran her over.

"WATCH WHERE YER GOING YA BIMBO!" the driver of the minivan yelled out.

"YOU FUCKING ASSTART PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY AND GET A FRICKING MANLYER CAR! PINK SUCKS." Kaylee screamed back she then focus her attention to Kakuzu who was on the left of her now. "Why didn't you fucking warn me?!" She screeched.

"I was hoping you get hit." Kakuzu mumbled sticking his pinky in his ear from the screaming.

"pft some gentleman you are." Kaylee scoffed. She then storms off into the market grabbing a cart along the way and walks down the first aisle. Scanning the shelving for a certain item she soon spots it. As she reaches for it, her hand gets slapped away.

"Ow, what the hell?" she glares at her attacker which was Kakuzu of course, who was also glaring back.

"Don't start." she warned rubbing her hand.

"The store brand is much cheaper" he pointed out picking up said item.

"The store brand tastes like shit."

"The only difference between this" he points to the store brand "and that" he points to the item Kaylee had her hand hovering over "is that you're paying extra for the brand name."

"Bullshit there's a lot of differences especially in the taste." Kaylee scrunched her face up while sticking her tongue out in distaste.

"I bet if you were blind folded you couldn't tell the difference between the two." Kakuzu then drops the item into the cart.

"Pfft I bet I could I have a keen sense of taste!" Kaylee claimed taking the item out of the cart and placing it back on the shelf. She then grabbed the brand name item and took off running down the aisle with the cart. Kakuzu stood there for a moment glaring at her back thinking why the hell is he letting her live. His thoughts were interrupted when suddenly he senses a familiar chakra signature from behind him. He quickly glances back to only to spot an old lady pushing a cart slowly down the aisle and the chakra dissipates as quickly as it had appeared. Kakuzu looks forward to see Kaylee turning a corner before continuing on to follow he looks back one more time.  
"Hey Kakuzu which one you think would be more deadly?" Kaylee asked picking two different cans off the shelf. Kakuzu raises a brow looking at the two cans of beans.

"Why?"

"Because I want to get revenge on my mother and dad loves beans! And since you're old and wise I figured you would know. So which one?" Kaylee asked shoving the cans into his hands. Kakuzu glares at her for a moment then at the cans of beans.

"It wouldn't matter, beans don't cause foul odor." He shrugged handing her back the cans.

"Then what does?" Kaylee asked curiously reading the ingredients off one of the cans. Kakuzu shifts his eyes to the right.

"There's garlic, milk, meat…well anything with a lots of sulfur gives you-" Kakuzu cuts his sentence short sensing the familiar chakra again this time ahead of him. He catches a bit a blonde hair disappearing into another aisle. Kakuzu sprints down the aisle and turns into the other aisle to catch the person but there was no one down the aisle except him "What the hell?"

"So do you think chili would" Kaylee pauses and looks to her left to meet empty space. "...do…the...trick? WHERE THE HELL HE GO?" she fumed but her fuming was cut short when a black hair woman crashes into her making her fall to the ground. "Oof…Ow fucking ay my tailbone!"Kaylee gritted then glared up at the woman who was now running down the aisle with a blonde. "Watch where you going, dolt!" she yelled after the women. The black hair lady let out a small giggle which Kaylee could of swore she heard it before and vanished around the corner. From the other end of the aisle Kakuzu was waltzing on down with his hands in pockets (to keep himself from strangling people) looking frustrated as all hell. He glares down at Kaylee who continued to sit on ground waiting for the pain to subdue.

"Don't tell me you tripped over thin air because I would believe you." He said staring at her not even bothering to help her up instead he hunches over the cart resting his forearms on the handle.

"I did not! A crazy lady ran me over! It was a hit and run I should sue." Kaylee grumbled out as she slowly got to her feet then rubbing her sore ass. "Where you run off too?"

"Someone's stalking us." He grumbled eyeing the end of the aisle.

"Fantastic! Now move a side I need to use this buggy as support. My ass hurts." Kaylee waved off his seriousness and wobbled (since each step was painful) toward him and the cart. Kakuzu watches her for a moment then takes off walking down the aisle with the cart. "HEY! Get back here you asstart!" she continues wobbling towards him as he turns the corner.

Meanwhile…fufufufu

"Fucking assholes fucking leaving me with nothing to do but wait. I should sacrifice all her neighbors for this blasphemy shit." Hidan gritted pacing back and forth in the living room. Headlights flash through the window bringing his pacing to a stop. Soon there was knocking at the door which Hidan didn't bother to answer but just glare at it. Whoever it was came bustling in, Hidan recognize them to be Kaylee's parents.

"Kaylee sweetie were back!" Kaylee's mother said in a sing song voice walking in she stops when she notices Hidan was the only one to greet her.

"Johnny where's Kaylee?" she asked looking towards Hidan with hope that he knew. Hidan folded his arms and licked his lips not bothering to correct her. 'Hmm what to do? What do to?' he ponder trying to think of how he can dispose of them cause surely he does not want to deal with them. An idea came to him as a devious grin became plaster onto his face that would put the Grinch's to shame. Dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnnn.


	19. Lost

Revenge best served chili!

* * *

"She ran away." Hidan replied trying to put on a somber façade.

"What?! Oh no not my baby! Bobby quick call the cops our baby gone missing!" she shook her husband. Hidan had to practically bite his tongue off to keep him from going into hysterical laughter.

"I'm on it sweetie! Let's drive around also to see if we can find her!" he replied frantically holding the cellphone in one hand and pulling his wife back to the car with the other.

"Johnny were gonna look around bit if she comes back before we do call us!" she called out before they took off again. Hidan was finally able to start laughing and rolling over the floor.

"Ahaha ah shit I didn't hahaha think Ama was ahaha serious ahahahahahahaha." Hidan wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "This is gonna be good."

Back at the store..

"I'M BUYING IT!"Kaylee gritted trying to tug the package meat out of Kakuzu hands.

"No. You're. Not!" Kakuzu growled dragging Kaylee and the meat back to where she found it. Kakuzu did not like that Kaylee had picked the most expensive meat package in the entire market and was trying to put it back.

"Give it to me!" Kaylee demanded leaning back as her feet slid across the smooth floor from Kakuzu's hauling.

"Fine." Kakuzu erratically lets go causing Kaylee to fall back onto her arse for the second time today.

"Phhhhhffffffffff KAKAZOO I AM GOING TO-" Kaylee stops realizing that the threat of killing him will only lead _her_ to her grave.

"What are you going to do?"Kakuzu glared.

"I..I …ah..I…I'll make you wish you were never born male!" Kaylee said pointing her finger at him while at the same time rubbing her tailbone with the other hand.

"Are you threatening my manhood?" he asked still glaring at her.

"Damn straight foo'!" Kaylee replied throwing failed gangster signs at him. Kakuzu looks at her confused raising his brows up then drawing them back down to a glare.

"You're an idiot." He said then promptly walks off with the cart.

"Get back here with that cart! I need it you donkey ass!" Kaylee yelled wobbling after him.

To the parents…

"Please officer she's been missing for over 24 hours now! Please find her before the mass murderer does! Oh I don't know what I'll do if I lost my baby!" Kaylee's mom pleaded with the police officer that was writing down the report.

"Don't worry Mrs. James we'll do whatever we can in our power to find her and bring her back home safely. Is there anything other details would you like to give us?" The officer asked also trying to comfort her handed her a hankie.

"Yes her car was stolen around the same time she disappeared." She answered blowing her nose quite loudly.

"What's the car description?" The officer asked slightly disgusted he brought his pen to paper getting ready to write.

"It's a dark blue jeep wrangler and the license's plate is 370455V." she replied more calmly.

"Are you certain that's the license's plate number?" he asked surprised.

"Oh yes only my daughter would customize the plate like that." She replied with certainty.

"What do the numbers mean?"

She flips his report over.

"Oh…well I must take leave now to find your daughter. Take care." He said with a wave of goodbye and took off.

"Thank you officer be careful!"

Okay now back to the store again…

Kaylee leans heavily onto the cart waiting for the cashier to finish ringing her up.

"My ass hurts."

"Who would've guessed? You've been rubbing and complaining about it for the past 10 minutes!" Kakuzu growled very irate.

"Okay ma'am your total is $69.52." the cashier said rather bored as he pressed the total button and then finish up bagging her stuff. Kaylee stuffs her hand in her right-hand back pocket finding it empty she quickly sticks it in the left back pocket. Her face contorts into panic as she places both hands in her front pockets.

"Shit!" she slowly turns her head to Kakuzu. "I…ah…I think left my wallet at home heh." Kaylee slowly puts up a smile.

"No." Kakuzu bluntly replied to her unspoken question.

"Plwease?" Kaylee pleaded curling out her bottom lip and giving him her puppy-dog eyes.

"No." he said sternly glowering down at her. 'hmphf well if Hidan can pull it off with that Kakuzu-chan line in the anime why can't I!?' Kaylee lets out a low 'ahem' to clear her throat.

"Purrteee pwease Kuzu-kun with sugah and and lots and lots of cherries on top?" she flutters her eyelashes. Kakuzu bends down so he was at eye level with her also having their faces only inches apart. He searches through her eyes and steadily says.

"No."

"I'll pay you back." Kaylee pouts quivering her bottom lip.

"Are you going to pay or what? You're forming a line here." The cashier was getting impatient. Kakuzu straightens out and glares at the cashier then at Kaylee then at the people behind them then back to Kaylee who was still giving him the puppy-dog eyes.

"Please?" Kakuzu rubs the bridge of his nose coming to a decision.

"Fine."

"Yay." Kaylee squeals with glee.

"But you're going to repay me five times the amount." Kakuzu forewarn her handing the cashier the money Kaylee's mood turned sour.

"That's not fair!" Kaylee whined. He starts pushing the cart forward. "Hey, hey, hey! Don't you dare start walking off with that cart!" she manages to push him aside and take control of the cart.

"I swear I had my wallet on me." Kaylee claimed searching through her jeep before they left.

"Didn't you say someone bumped into you?" Kakuzu implied as he sat in the passenger seat not offering any help.

"Yeah and they took off giggling." Kaylee answered she end up huffing giving up the search and getting into the jeep. Kakuzu stares at her for a good moment before she got irritated. "What?"

"Do you not know how a thief works?"

"Well I certainly do not since it takes a thief to know a thief and I am no thief so therefore I do not know how a thief works." She replied pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road.

"Okay since your tiny mind can't put two and two together. I'll just get to the point that you were robbed or is that still too much for your nutshell of a brain to comprehend?"

"Why you!"

*WEE-WOO*

From behind there was a flash of red and blue that followed the siren which caused Kaylee's heart to skip a couple beats. She pulls over and starts to panic.

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit! They finally track us down! They found out who the killers were! They found my fingerprints I bet and now they have come to get me! Oh my god I don't to want spend the rest of my life in jail! I didn't do any-ow!" Kakuzu had decided to whack her upside the head. "What the hell!" he hits her again.

"Calm down you imbecile, don't give them reasons to be suspicious." Kakuzu warned. There was a tapping at Kaylee's window, she rolled it down.

"Yee-Yes Offis-ficer?" Kaylee managed to stammer out. Oh yes out of all things scary she is afraid of a policeman and not some s-rank serial killer ninja with a bad temper and tentacles.

"License's and registration." The officer said in a monotone voice. Kaylee's eyes widen in horror as she realized that her license was in her wallet. 'Only with my luck does this happen to me!'

"Ka-ka-ka-Ky-eye-yle cou-could you give me th-the registration out of the glo-glove department pah-pah-lease." Yeah Kaylee was having a nervous breakdown basically. She looks over to Kakuzu tensely; her eyes then shift to the glove department in front of him. The officer eyes them both suspiciously.

"Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to get out of your car." He said stepping away from the car. Kaylee steps out all shaking. "Ma'am this car has been reported stolen." The officer informs her. Her jaw drops in total shock then closes again from total fury splays across her face.

"Mother." She manages to grit out. "and I suppose I've been reported missing too! I only leave the house for not even an hour and and she goes and pulls this shit! You know this isn't the first time she's done this. Calling the cops reporting me missing along with my car all because I wanted move out! This woman knows no privacy! It drives-" Kaylee rants to the officer for a good 20 minutes before he decides to buy her story and let her off the hook. She gets back into her jeep slamming the door behind her. Kakuzu looks at her questionably.

"Kakuzu." She said glaring at the staring wheel.

"What?" he asked annoyed

"You mind spending a couple more dollars?"

"Why?" he asked knitting his eyebrows together.

"I want to stop by a drug store and buy some laxatives."

10 minutes later…

"Oh Kaylee sweetie I thought I'd never see you again!" Mrs. James cried out hugging her daughter as she stepped out of the jeep.

"Mother…I only went to the store…for only an hour and a half." Kaylee gritted standing stock still as her mother wept on her shoulder.

"It seemed like you've been gone forever and Bryan told me you were running away!"

"Bryan." Kaylee growled out his name. "Mother, why don't you go ahead inside and prepare the table for dinner. While me and Kaku-Ky-Kyle bring in the groceries." Kaylee said forcing a smile.

"Sure thing dear and I'll have your father call off the search squad!" Her mother beamed heading back into the house. Kaylee opens the back of the jeep with Kakuzu at her side ready to grab bags.

"Remind me to put most of the laxative in Hidan's bowl." She muttered grabbing the bags.

"Don't worry if you forget I'll take the pleasure of doing it myself." Kakuzu replied closing the backdoor.

Hidan was leaning against the doorframe of the front door with a big smirk plastered on his face. The thought of Hidan being on the toilet all night made Kaylee smile from ear to ear.

"How was your trip to the store?" Hidan smiled.

"Oh fabulous! I fell on my ass a couple times got robbed and the cops pulled us over on the way home! I hope to do it again someday!" Kaylee said enthusiastically with lots sarcasm as she pushes her way past him.

"Ha well that's what you get bitch for leaving me here!" there was triumph in his voice.

"It's best not to fuel the fire." Kakuzu warned passing by.

"Yeah whatever fuck-face." Hidan snuffed him off.

"So what's for dinner dear?" her father inquired sitting at the kitchen table watching her search the cupboards.

"Chili." Kaylee simply answered while pulling out a large pot.

"Mmm I love chili your mother hasn't made that in years!" her father proclaimed.

"I wonder why." She mutters to herself rolling her eyes.


End file.
